Sigh......

I know my blog is pretty much dead. I know no one reads it any more because I rarely ever post. But the good thing about never posting is that you know when I do post, it will be good. Because what I've found, is that this blog is really just a place for me to vent all my frustrated and unprocessed feelings that I don't know what to do with:

Like tonight, after talking with Bailey*. Yes, Bailey (the name has been changed because I still don't feel comfortable using real names even though no one reads this anyway)--a new name to the Dating Blog. I met him on an airplane about a month ago. Yes, on an airplane. And its just what you're thinking. Like a movie. I sat by him on a Southwest flight to Nashville, TN, and noticed he was reading a graphic design magazine. Curious, I asked, "Are you a graphic designer?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Cool," I said. "I think I just decided that that's what I want to do." (little does he know that I'm crazy and that I change my mind every 10 minutes about what i want to do.

So we struck up a conversation. I told him about my new found love for graphic novels and he told me how he landed a job in Dallas at Fossil's design department. Fossil...yes! Fossil. He's legit.

So he tells me more about design and I tell him more about me and then we discover that we're both Christians. It was an odd discovery, but totally cool and we connected about mission trips we'd been on and other places that we wanted to travel. It sounds like every girl's dream, right? To meet a guy on an airplane and talk so much that you don't even realize the plane has landed.

Before we got off the plane, he handed me his business card and told me to let him know if I needed any help or critiques as I ventured into the world of graphic design. I was really flattered and thankful that I ran into this guy. Then we walked to baggage claim together and before I could send him off with a simple goodbye he said, "So, would it be okay with you if we continued this conversation via text message?"

So of course, as in past circumstances, my mind raced a mile a minute through a thousand different thoughts before settling on "oh sure, why not. I mean this is one of those movie moments. I'm not really attracted to him, but that doesn't matter, right?"

WRONG.

I think it should matter. I haven't posted too much about my pre-blogging dating dilemmas, but I was told by a very good male friend after a catastrophic phone number handout that if a guy ever asks for your number, that means he's interested in being more than friends (do you remember that Josh Jack? HILARIOUS! That story might have to go on here sometime).

So I give this guy my number and he walks away. I grab my suitcase, burst out laughing, and grab my cell phone.

"Maria!" I say after dialing my best friend's number. "You won't believe what I just did! I just gave my number to a guy I met on the airplane! He lives in Dallas and he's a graphic designer for Fossil!"

Needless to say, Maria was proud of me, and for a moment I was excited. I actually gave my number to a legit guy.

Well....he texted me quite a bit over the next weekend. I was visiting my family for my sister's graduation, but I felt like I was on my phone all the time.

"Its my fault," I told myself. "I'm the one that told him I would continue the conversation over text."

But the truth is, I don't like texting that much. At least not about big things. And he was asking me some pretty big things--things like "what kind of church did you grow up in" "what's you family like?" "what do you like about your church?" "what do you think about God?"

And for me, those types of questions should be talked about in person or over the phone because a text message just can't encapsulate my entire response.

So....I debated....should I text him and tell him that I would rather him call me? I don't know? I don't want to be awkward. And I don't even know if I want him to call me. I don't know if I like him. I didn't think this would be a big deal.

And so the texting continued. And I got even more annoyed. So I just stopped responding. Then I saw him at the airport on my way home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!!!!! I did!!!!!!!!!!!! We were in the same terminal waiting at adjacent gates for two different flights and he was there!!!!! And he saw me!!! And he sat by me!!! And talked to me!!! And I felt myself pull away!!!

Oh gosh.......all these exclamation points are probably really unnecessary, but its all because I feel overwhelmed right now. You see, this guy continued to text me, and I continued to get even more turned off--and not because he's not a great guy, but because I'm not interested in him and all the texting was leading me to believe that he was interested in me and it was making me feel like our relationship was something more than what it really was. But I didn't say anything....for a month....until tonight....when, after 2 unanswered texts and an unanswered fb chat request he popped up on my homepage again:

"Go mavs!" he said.

"Go mavs?" I replied.

"Yea. The NBA team. I'm not much of a fan, but I live in Dallas and everyone's watching so I figured I better cheer."

"Oh."

i wasn't impressed. I was kind of annoyed. I don't like this mindless chatter about nothing.

"Can I be honest with you about something?" I asked.

"Sure," he said.

"Well...the truth is. I don't really like texting that much. And I know you apologized on fb chat the other night for sending me so many texts and I didn't respond. But it has been kind of overwhelming with you texting me so much."

"I had no idea you felt that way," he said. "Thank you for sharing."

"You're welcome. I really don't even text my close friends that much so it just felt weird to me."

"Oh ok."

And without me even saying it I think he read between the lines "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

And I feel bad. Because that's the truth. And its not because he's a bad guy, he's just not the guy for me. And if we had met in another life where we lived in the same city and worked at the same job, we might have been friends. But other than that, I don't think its worth my time texting all the time and pretending that we are good friends. Its just weird. And yet again, if this makes me a bitch then so be it. But I'm just trying to practice being honest and I quite honestly don't like it. It goes against my default of always being nice to everyone and never hurting anyone's feelings. But even though it sucks, I think being honest is better than being fake. Even if it means hurting someone else's feelings.

So, sighhhhhhhh.......

I'll stop whining now and embrace my new identity as an honest bitch**

Disclaimer--I know this is a little harsh. And I know I'm not a bitch. I'm just in a really strange mood right now as if you couldn't read it in my voice. The dating world (even though this post has nothing to do with an actual date) is so weird. Someday, I should write a tv like "How I Met Your Mother," only based on my life and how I met my child's father.