I was chatting with a friend the other day when he said, "I have a brilliant idea for you...and you could make some money doing it."
Apprehensive, yet curious, I prompted him to elaborate.
"You should market yourself to guys as like a dating consultant. Guys could pay you to go on dates, then you could tell them what they did well and what things they could work on."
"That's a terrible idea," I said. "Then I would never get a real date."
"Oh no," he said. "I can see it playing out now in a romantic comedy. You'd eventually go out with some gorgeous guy, and you'd end up falling in love."
If only things could workout the way they do in the movies. But alas, relationships in movies rarely leave surface level expression in any form other than the physical. So for now, I'm fine with holding out until I find true love. But until then, I am not opposed to dishing out a little advice for those of you who are also on the same search (and while I'm on the word "search", let me just say that I could write a whole column on the notion that the majority of problems arise in dating because you are on a "search" that is motivated by insecurity. But that will be for another time.)
Anyway....like I was saying: until then, I am not opposed to dishing out a little advice to those of you who are on the same search to find that significant someone.
I'm a girl that likes comedy, and sometimes I Google cartoons to give myself a chuckle. However, after reading the above cartoon, I couldn't help, but give the guy some pity because the girl is being so rude to him. One piece of advice for all you women out there, before I focus on the guys, is give your men a little grace! I mean seriously! They're trying really hard to gain your approval, and if all you do is scrutinize their imperfections and send them crawling away like a woe-begone cockroach, you're never going to find anyone! So find it in your heart to cut them a little slack. And if you genuinely feel that its not going to workout between the two of you for a legitimate reason, find a way to let them down with encouragement.
Now, the guys...
A couple weeks ago I walked to Taco Bell with a group of friends who were experiencing that late night hunger. As eight of us crowded around a four person table, I was surprised to find that the guys were eager to elicit some dating tips from us girls.
"So what do we need to know about women? How do we approach the first date? When is it okay to kiss? How can we tell if she's actually interested? Does this mean she wants to be friends? Does that mean she likes us?"
And ...dot...dot...dot. On and on and on. The questions were endless.
I'll be honest, I'm still figuring the whole flirting thing and how to let a guy know that I'm interested, so if we're basing this advice on experience, I don't have much to say in that area (but hopefully will in the future). However, I do know what I like once we're on the date, and I can tell the difference between a good date and a terrible date. After all, I experienced one of each this weekend.
My first piece of advice to all you suitable squires out there is to be prepared, have a plan! Women like security; a well planned out date allows them feel safe and secure and relaxed because they know that you've got everything under control.
I went on a date last Friday, and after dinner the guy looked at his friends (yes...his first mistake...inviting another couple. But I won't go there right now) and said, "what do you want to do now?" I was not impressed.
My second piece of advice is: once you have a plan, let her know. A guy called me Friday to ask me out for a date on Saturday. "I was thinking dinner at 6:30," he said, "but I'll call you tomorrow to let you know the details for sure."
True to his word, he called me six hours before the date to lay out some details: "So yea, I'll pick you up at 6:30 and we'll go to dinner. Then I was thinking we could get ice cream so we'll be inside most of the time so you don't have to worry about the cold, and just so you know I'm going to wear jeans and a nice shirt, so nothing too fancy."
You, as a man, might think this last detail is a little unnecessary. But let me warn you...DO NOT IGNORE IT! Girls put ALOT of thought into what they're going to wear on a date, and there's nothing worse than not knowing what kind of clothes to wear. If you're planning to take her to a fancy restaurant, let her know. If you're going on an afternoon date where you're going to be riding bikes or hiking, tell her to wear tennis shoes.
One other bullet point in this second piece of advice is this: while you do need to give a few details from the start in order to let her know what to wear, don't give it all away. Girls like surprises (well...at least this one does, and I have a few other ladies in my corner who would say the same). Keep the name of the restaurant a secret or the specific activity a secret. The mystery ads an element of fun to the date.
Piece of advice #3: Chivalry is still a plus. While its not really expected, a girl will almost swoon over you if you open her car door or hold a door open for her. And complimenting her is a must! She worked hard to look good so let her know it paid off. Actually...that should be in its own category.
Number 4: Give her a compliment = )
Number 5: I think this might be the most important. You could forget to hint at what to wear, fail to open the door, and be so nervous the idea of a compliment could slip your mind; but you'd still be on a date, sitting down to dinner with. And if at that dinner you find yourself only talking about you and what you like to do, and you never ask her questions or try to get to know her, your date is an automatic fail. The girl wants to know that you want to know her! After all, isn't a date about getting to know each other? If you never ask her any questions, then you will never know her, and she will wonder why you even asked her on the date in the first place. Was it just to make yourself feel better? Ugh...can you tell I get annoyed about this one? No girl wants to go to dinner and sit in silence as long as she's not coming up with questions or brainstorming the next topic of conversation because her date is either too self-absorbed or simply incapable of finding intelligent things to say, or to even consider that she might like to tell him a little about herself. I'm sorry I'm going on a little of a rant here, but I have experienced this and it just made things plain awkward. Take charge! And we will think you're great. Conversation should be a two way street.
Advice #6--Don't put yourself down during your date. Have some confidence. If you don't like you, then she won't either. 'nuff said.
Now, this blog post is getting long so I will offer one more insight that I just discovered this weekend. I really appreciated it when my date and I sat down to dinner and he said, "I know I asked you on a date, but I just want to let you know that I've got your dinner. You don't have to worry about paying."
Some of you may be thinking, "Well isn't that implied?" But girls who doesn't want to come off as a snob who feels entitled to things, we will often offer to pay for our own dinner and it can often lead to an awkward battle for the check because we know in the back of our minds that you're going to pay, but we don't want to assume just incase. So save both you and your date the awkwardness and just be upfront.
I hope you find these tips helpful. I'm open for more questions and blog topic suggestions. Ha! And I will say one more thing to you guys. Just like I told the girls to give you grace, give yourselves some grace. These aren't necessarily rules, they're just helpful tips that go well with the ladies. But if you don't do it perfectly, its okay. We're all in a process of learning, and dating, while it can be fun, can also be very stressful! So if a girl acts like a bitch or a spoiled brat princess, thus making you feel like less than a man, then just know that she's not really worth your time anyway.
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