Sigh......

I know my blog is pretty much dead. I know no one reads it any more because I rarely ever post. But the good thing about never posting is that you know when I do post, it will be good. Because what I've found, is that this blog is really just a place for me to vent all my frustrated and unprocessed feelings that I don't know what to do with:

Like tonight, after talking with Bailey*. Yes, Bailey (the name has been changed because I still don't feel comfortable using real names even though no one reads this anyway)--a new name to the Dating Blog. I met him on an airplane about a month ago. Yes, on an airplane. And its just what you're thinking. Like a movie. I sat by him on a Southwest flight to Nashville, TN, and noticed he was reading a graphic design magazine. Curious, I asked, "Are you a graphic designer?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Cool," I said. "I think I just decided that that's what I want to do." (little does he know that I'm crazy and that I change my mind every 10 minutes about what i want to do.

So we struck up a conversation. I told him about my new found love for graphic novels and he told me how he landed a job in Dallas at Fossil's design department. Fossil...yes! Fossil. He's legit.

So he tells me more about design and I tell him more about me and then we discover that we're both Christians. It was an odd discovery, but totally cool and we connected about mission trips we'd been on and other places that we wanted to travel. It sounds like every girl's dream, right? To meet a guy on an airplane and talk so much that you don't even realize the plane has landed.

Before we got off the plane, he handed me his business card and told me to let him know if I needed any help or critiques as I ventured into the world of graphic design. I was really flattered and thankful that I ran into this guy. Then we walked to baggage claim together and before I could send him off with a simple goodbye he said, "So, would it be okay with you if we continued this conversation via text message?"

So of course, as in past circumstances, my mind raced a mile a minute through a thousand different thoughts before settling on "oh sure, why not. I mean this is one of those movie moments. I'm not really attracted to him, but that doesn't matter, right?"

WRONG.

I think it should matter. I haven't posted too much about my pre-blogging dating dilemmas, but I was told by a very good male friend after a catastrophic phone number handout that if a guy ever asks for your number, that means he's interested in being more than friends (do you remember that Josh Jack? HILARIOUS! That story might have to go on here sometime).

So I give this guy my number and he walks away. I grab my suitcase, burst out laughing, and grab my cell phone.

"Maria!" I say after dialing my best friend's number. "You won't believe what I just did! I just gave my number to a guy I met on the airplane! He lives in Dallas and he's a graphic designer for Fossil!"

Needless to say, Maria was proud of me, and for a moment I was excited. I actually gave my number to a legit guy.

Well....he texted me quite a bit over the next weekend. I was visiting my family for my sister's graduation, but I felt like I was on my phone all the time.

"Its my fault," I told myself. "I'm the one that told him I would continue the conversation over text."

But the truth is, I don't like texting that much. At least not about big things. And he was asking me some pretty big things--things like "what kind of church did you grow up in" "what's you family like?" "what do you like about your church?" "what do you think about God?"

And for me, those types of questions should be talked about in person or over the phone because a text message just can't encapsulate my entire response.

So....I debated....should I text him and tell him that I would rather him call me? I don't know? I don't want to be awkward. And I don't even know if I want him to call me. I don't know if I like him. I didn't think this would be a big deal.

And so the texting continued. And I got even more annoyed. So I just stopped responding. Then I saw him at the airport on my way home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!!!!! I did!!!!!!!!!!!! We were in the same terminal waiting at adjacent gates for two different flights and he was there!!!!! And he saw me!!! And he sat by me!!! And talked to me!!! And I felt myself pull away!!!

Oh gosh.......all these exclamation points are probably really unnecessary, but its all because I feel overwhelmed right now. You see, this guy continued to text me, and I continued to get even more turned off--and not because he's not a great guy, but because I'm not interested in him and all the texting was leading me to believe that he was interested in me and it was making me feel like our relationship was something more than what it really was. But I didn't say anything....for a month....until tonight....when, after 2 unanswered texts and an unanswered fb chat request he popped up on my homepage again:

"Go mavs!" he said.

"Go mavs?" I replied.

"Yea. The NBA team. I'm not much of a fan, but I live in Dallas and everyone's watching so I figured I better cheer."

"Oh."

i wasn't impressed. I was kind of annoyed. I don't like this mindless chatter about nothing.

"Can I be honest with you about something?" I asked.

"Sure," he said.

"Well...the truth is. I don't really like texting that much. And I know you apologized on fb chat the other night for sending me so many texts and I didn't respond. But it has been kind of overwhelming with you texting me so much."

"I had no idea you felt that way," he said. "Thank you for sharing."

"You're welcome. I really don't even text my close friends that much so it just felt weird to me."

"Oh ok."

And without me even saying it I think he read between the lines "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

And I feel bad. Because that's the truth. And its not because he's a bad guy, he's just not the guy for me. And if we had met in another life where we lived in the same city and worked at the same job, we might have been friends. But other than that, I don't think its worth my time texting all the time and pretending that we are good friends. Its just weird. And yet again, if this makes me a bitch then so be it. But I'm just trying to practice being honest and I quite honestly don't like it. It goes against my default of always being nice to everyone and never hurting anyone's feelings. But even though it sucks, I think being honest is better than being fake. Even if it means hurting someone else's feelings.

So, sighhhhhhhh.......

I'll stop whining now and embrace my new identity as an honest bitch**

Disclaimer--I know this is a little harsh. And I know I'm not a bitch. I'm just in a really strange mood right now as if you couldn't read it in my voice. The dating world (even though this post has nothing to do with an actual date) is so weird. Someday, I should write a tv like "How I Met Your Mother," only based on my life and how I met my child's father.

My Own Little Advice Column

I was chatting with a friend the other day when he said, "I have a brilliant idea for you...and you could make some money doing it."

Apprehensive, yet curious, I prompted him to elaborate.

"You should market yourself to guys as like a dating consultant. Guys could pay you to go on dates, then you could tell them what they did well and what things they could work on."

"That's a terrible idea," I said. "Then I would never get a real date."

"Oh no," he said. "I can see it playing out now in a romantic comedy. You'd eventually go out with some gorgeous guy, and you'd end up falling in love."

If only things could workout the way they do in the movies. But alas, relationships in movies rarely leave surface level expression in any form other than the physical. So for now, I'm fine with holding out until I find true love. But until then, I am not opposed to dishing out a little advice for those of you who are also on the same search (and while I'm on the word "search", let me just say that I could write a whole column on the notion that the majority of problems arise in dating because you are on a "search" that is motivated by insecurity. But that will be for another time.)

Anyway....like I was saying: until then, I am not opposed to dishing out a little advice to those of you who are on the same search to find that significant someone.

I'm a girl that likes comedy, and sometimes I Google cartoons to give myself a chuckle. However, after reading the above cartoon, I couldn't help, but give the guy some pity because the girl is being so rude to him. One piece of advice for all you women out there, before I focus on the guys, is give your men a little grace! I mean seriously! They're trying really hard to gain your approval, and if all you do is scrutinize their imperfections and send them crawling away like a woe-begone cockroach, you're never going to find anyone! So find it in your heart to cut them a little slack. And if you genuinely feel that its not going to workout between the two of you for a legitimate reason, find a way to let them down with encouragement.

Now, the guys...

A couple weeks ago I walked to Taco Bell with a group of friends who were experiencing that late night hunger. As eight of us crowded around a four person table, I was surprised to find that the guys were eager to elicit some dating tips from us girls.

"So what do we need to know about women? How do we approach the first date? When is it okay to kiss? How can we tell if she's actually interested? Does this mean she wants to be friends? Does that mean she likes us?"

And ...dot...dot...dot. On and on and on. The questions were endless.

I'll be honest, I'm still figuring the whole flirting thing and how to let a guy know that I'm interested, so if we're basing this advice on experience, I don't have much to say in that area (but hopefully will in the future). However, I do know what I like once we're on the date, and I can tell the difference between a good date and a terrible date. After all, I experienced one of each this weekend.

My first piece of advice to all you suitable squires out there is to be prepared, have a plan! Women like security; a well planned out date allows them feel safe and secure and relaxed because they know that you've got everything under control.

I went on a date last Friday, and after dinner the guy looked at his friends (yes...his first mistake...inviting another couple. But I won't go there right now) and said, "what do you want to do now?" I was not impressed.

My second piece of advice is: once you have a plan, let her know. A guy called me Friday to ask me out for a date on Saturday. "I was thinking dinner at 6:30," he said, "but I'll call you tomorrow to let you know the details for sure."

True to his word, he called me six hours before the date to lay out some details: "So yea, I'll pick you up at 6:30 and we'll go to dinner. Then I was thinking we could get ice cream so we'll be inside most of the time so you don't have to worry about the cold, and just so you know I'm going to wear jeans and a nice shirt, so nothing too fancy."

You, as a man, might think this last detail is a little unnecessary. But let me warn you...DO NOT IGNORE IT! Girls put ALOT of thought into what they're going to wear on a date, and there's nothing worse than not knowing what kind of clothes to wear. If you're planning to take her to a fancy restaurant, let her know. If you're going on an afternoon date where you're going to be riding bikes or hiking, tell her to wear tennis shoes.

One other bullet point in this second piece of advice is this: while you do need to give a few details from the start in order to let her know what to wear, don't give it all away. Girls like surprises (well...at least this one does, and I have a few other ladies in my corner who would say the same). Keep the name of the restaurant a secret or the specific activity a secret. The mystery ads an element of fun to the date.

Piece of advice #3: Chivalry is still a plus. While its not really expected, a girl will almost swoon over you if you open her car door or hold a door open for her. And complimenting her is a must! She worked hard to look good so let her know it paid off. Actually...that should be in its own category.

Number 4: Give her a compliment = )

Number 5: I think this might be the most important. You could forget to hint at what to wear, fail to open the door, and be so nervous the idea of a compliment could slip your mind; but you'd still be on a date, sitting down to dinner with. And if at that dinner you find yourself only talking about you and what you like to do, and you never ask her questions or try to get to know her, your date is an automatic fail. The girl wants to know that you want to know her! After all, isn't a date about getting to know each other? If you never ask her any questions, then you will never know her, and she will wonder why you even asked her on the date in the first place. Was it just to make yourself feel better? Ugh...can you tell I get annoyed about this one? No girl wants to go to dinner and sit in silence as long as she's not coming up with questions or brainstorming the next topic of conversation because her date is either too self-absorbed or simply incapable of finding intelligent things to say, or to even consider that she might like to tell him a little about herself. I'm sorry I'm going on a little of a rant here, but I have experienced this and it just made things plain awkward. Take charge! And we will think you're great. Conversation should be a two way street.

Advice #6--Don't put yourself down during your date. Have some confidence. If you don't like you, then she won't either. 'nuff said.

Now, this blog post is getting long so I will offer one more insight that I just discovered this weekend. I really appreciated it when my date and I sat down to dinner and he said, "I know I asked you on a date, but I just want to let you know that I've got your dinner. You don't have to worry about paying."

Some of you may be thinking, "Well isn't that implied?" But girls who doesn't want to come off as a snob who feels entitled to things, we will often offer to pay for our own dinner and it can often lead to an awkward battle for the check because we know in the back of our minds that you're going to pay, but we don't want to assume just incase. So save both you and your date the awkwardness and just be upfront.

I hope you find these tips helpful. I'm open for more questions and blog topic suggestions. Ha! And I will say one more thing to you guys. Just like I told the girls to give you grace, give yourselves some grace. These aren't necessarily rules, they're just helpful tips that go well with the ladies. But if you don't do it perfectly, its okay. We're all in a process of learning, and dating, while it can be fun, can also be very stressful! So if a girl acts like a bitch or a spoiled brat princess, thus making you feel like less than a man, then just know that she's not really worth your time anyway.

Boys Boys Boys....

Well, September came and went and I have yet to encounter a move moment. However I did just say yes to a date this Friday, but the guy keeps spoutin' out these weird comments on facebook that I don't know how to respond to. Par exampla:

Guy: It's okay. I'm used to rejection. I got rejected al ot. I was a little creepy and still am a little weird. I mean look at me (the guy has a nose ring and a fo-hawk. which is totally fine with me)
Me:Weirdness is okay, but creepiness I'm not so sure.
Guy:I just have a weird personality
Me: aren't you supposed to be convincing me to go on a date with you? Maybe you're the only one who thinks you're weird.
Guy: No, I get it a lot. This will be a horrible date.
Me: Dude, have a little confidence. what's so weird about you?
Guy:No I'm just messing with you. i am a little weird, but I'm not going to oversell myself either.
(this whole thing is over facebook chat,mind you. Drew Barrymore hit the nail on the head with her description of modern day dating in "He's Just Not that Into you")

Or how about this one after he turned our getting coffee on my way St. Louis into a dinner date over sushi (yumm!)

Guy: Now I just realized I'm going to have to get my haircut and shave tomorrow

How's a girl supposed to respond to that? And I asked him almost exactly that. Yet again, he said it was a joke.

This could get interesting. But for some reason I'm excited. I don't even know if I like the guy, and I have yet to mention how we met:

It's after midnight on January 1, 2011--the beginning of my 24th birthday and what is so far promising to be the best year of my life (and not because of this date). I'm at Campus Crusade's Conference in Denver walking around the 5 dollar prom, looking for friends to dance with, when this guy comes up to me and says:

"Hey, I know this is going to sound weird but I really like you're hair."

I stop, almost in shock. "Oh!" "I say. "Well thanks! I just dyed it" (my mom hates the black hair, but i personally love it!)

"Yea, I like short hair on girls."

"Thanks!" I say again...and walk off.

Later, I'm milling about again--going from friend to friend, making sure I get the most out of my new years eve experience--when I see him again.

Eye Contact--that dreadfully wonderful act that can give you want you want or lock you into something you wish you'd never met.

"Hey!" He says. "I'm Eric."

"Hi, I'm Rachel."

We exchange small talk for a few minutes and then he says, "Well, I think we should hang out sometime."

"Oh..." I say. "Ok...well, I don't know. Maybe. We'll see. OKay, bye."

And I walk away.

Damn it! I did it again! Shut down and without a second thought. ha! What was I thinking! I should really apologize to him. That was so rude!

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't even give the guy a chance, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't know how I got this way. With a history like mine and the devil playing tricks in my head, of course I find a way to find something wrong with every guy that talks to me. And if nothings wrong with him, I find something wrong with myself.

Well...long story short...Eric runs into my friend Kayla who he doesn't know is my friend. When he finds out she knows me, he tells her that he thought i was cute, tried to talk to me, then I just totally blew him off.

Oops! Now I feel really bad. I finally find him and awkwardly apologize for the way I acted. I explain that I really won't have time in the next day and a half to hang out and that my mind just got ahead of me.

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could hang out back in Missouri," he says. "You're not that far from St. Louis."

"Oh, ok. Maybe," I say (what is with me and that phrase?). "Well yea, just facebook me."

And that's how I ended up here. Sitting at home in Tennessee, typing on my computer, and setting up a date in St. Louis. I'm already flustered with anxiety preparing for a talk that have to give on Thursday, and I just got back from Chicago, which filled my head with high hopes and dreams of moving there. Life is good! Seriously! Yea, I know its a little sad when I look at all this stuff and you hear me babbling like a mad woman when I say that life is good, but the fact that I have a date with a weird guy (?), dream of moving to Chicago, and can actually feel my anxiety speaks to some improvement to me as a person over the last two years.

Okay.....deep breath. Stop acting mad (as in Mad Hatter Mad) and go to bed.

Goodnight!