Well, September came and went and I have yet to encounter a move moment. However I did just say yes to a date this Friday, but the guy keeps spoutin' out these weird comments on facebook that I don't know how to respond to. Par exampla:
Guy: It's okay. I'm used to rejection. I got rejected al ot. I was a little creepy and still am a little weird. I mean look at me (the guy has a nose ring and a fo-hawk. which is totally fine with me)
Me:Weirdness is okay, but creepiness I'm not so sure.
Guy:I just have a weird personality
Me: aren't you supposed to be convincing me to go on a date with you? Maybe you're the only one who thinks you're weird.
Guy: No, I get it a lot. This will be a horrible date.
Me: Dude, have a little confidence. what's so weird about you?
Guy:No I'm just messing with you. i am a little weird, but I'm not going to oversell myself either.
(this whole thing is over facebook chat,mind you. Drew Barrymore hit the nail on the head with her description of modern day dating in "He's Just Not that Into you")
Or how about this one after he turned our getting coffee on my way St. Louis into a dinner date over sushi (yumm!)
Guy: Now I just realized I'm going to have to get my haircut and shave tomorrow
How's a girl supposed to respond to that? And I asked him almost exactly that. Yet again, he said it was a joke.
This could get interesting. But for some reason I'm excited. I don't even know if I like the guy, and I have yet to mention how we met:
It's after midnight on January 1, 2011--the beginning of my 24th birthday and what is so far promising to be the best year of my life (and not because of this date). I'm at Campus Crusade's Conference in Denver walking around the 5 dollar prom, looking for friends to dance with, when this guy comes up to me and says:
"Hey, I know this is going to sound weird but I really like you're hair."
I stop, almost in shock. "Oh!" "I say. "Well thanks! I just dyed it" (my mom hates the black hair, but i personally love it!)
"Yea, I like short hair on girls."
"Thanks!" I say again...and walk off.
Later, I'm milling about again--going from friend to friend, making sure I get the most out of my new years eve experience--when I see him again.
Eye Contact--that dreadfully wonderful act that can give you want you want or lock you into something you wish you'd never met.
"Hey!" He says. "I'm Eric."
"Hi, I'm Rachel."
We exchange small talk for a few minutes and then he says, "Well, I think we should hang out sometime."
"Oh..." I say. "Ok...well, I don't know. Maybe. We'll see. OKay, bye."
And I walk away.
Damn it! I did it again! Shut down and without a second thought. ha! What was I thinking! I should really apologize to him. That was so rude!
Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't even give the guy a chance, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't know how I got this way. With a history like mine and the devil playing tricks in my head, of course I find a way to find something wrong with every guy that talks to me. And if nothings wrong with him, I find something wrong with myself.
Well...long story short...Eric runs into my friend Kayla who he doesn't know is my friend. When he finds out she knows me, he tells her that he thought i was cute, tried to talk to me, then I just totally blew him off.
Oops! Now I feel really bad. I finally find him and awkwardly apologize for the way I acted. I explain that I really won't have time in the next day and a half to hang out and that my mind just got ahead of me.
"Well, I was thinking maybe we could hang out back in Missouri," he says. "You're not that far from St. Louis."
"Oh, ok. Maybe," I say (what is with me and that phrase?). "Well yea, just facebook me."
And that's how I ended up here. Sitting at home in Tennessee, typing on my computer, and setting up a date in St. Louis. I'm already flustered with anxiety preparing for a talk that have to give on Thursday, and I just got back from Chicago, which filled my head with high hopes and dreams of moving there. Life is good! Seriously! Yea, I know its a little sad when I look at all this stuff and you hear me babbling like a mad woman when I say that life is good, but the fact that I have a date with a weird guy (?), dream of moving to Chicago, and can actually feel my anxiety speaks to some improvement to me as a person over the last two years.
Okay.....deep breath. Stop acting mad (as in Mad Hatter Mad) and go to bed.
Goodnight!
Showing posts with label first date. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first date. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, March 29, 2010
What to Wear on a First Date!!!!!!!
Okay...let me start out by saying that I am no Stacey London. However, I do love her show and would recommend that everyone watch "What Not to Wear." I'm not recommending it because I'm some sort of style snob. I'm sure I have plenty of crap in my closet that London would love to throw out, but the show gives good advice and for those of us living on a missionary's salary, its soooooooooo much fun to lust after the clothes that we could have (is that type of lust also a sin?)
Anyway...let me start out by telling you about the process of outfit selection for my own first date. If you haven't noticed, I've been in a state of discovering myself for the past few months. In the process I've realized that I've done a lot and said a lot of things that aren't actually what I wanted to do or say. In other words, I did what other people did or what I thought they thought I should do so I could make sure they would like me. Sound weird? Well, you probably do it too.
One area that was affected by my inability to be myself was my wardrobe. I suffered in high school, stressing out every time I shopped because I wanted to make sure that what I bought would be acceptable by my fashionista friends. In college, I had even less money than I do now so shopping didn't happen much. I also realized the lack or originality I had when it came to shopping but didn't know myself well enough to establish a style on my own so I pretty much deleted any style that existed in my wardrobe and opted for plain Jane pieces that allowed me to fade into the background.
Well, let me just tell you. As I am discovering more of myself, I'm discovering an intense amount of creativity and liveliness, and fashion seems to be a perfect place to let that explode. Its been fun to redo my wardrobe and frustrating at the same time because I really don't have that much money to go shopping. Nevertheless, shopping has become less stressful and I look forward to it when I do get to go.
That being said...rule # 1 when picking out an outfit for a first date is BE YOURSELF! Don't bust out a sexy little black dress if that is not who you are. You won't be comfortable and your date will be left with an inauthentic impression of you. While shopping for a new outfit might be fun, you probably have something already in your closet that says, "this is me and I'm gorgeous. Thank you for taking me out on a date!"
After Davo (ha....I used his real name) asked me out, I went home and immediately started thinking about what I was going to wear ( and I"m not ashamed to say it because every girl does it). I knew I wanted to look cute, but more than anything I wanted to feel good about myself and I wanted him to notice me. Its okay to want the guy to notice you. Remember what my friend Elizabeth said about being alluring? Its so true! And that allure starts from the inside. Your outfit should never be used to cover up who you are, it should be a a reflection of what you are on the inside--confident, carefree, and sexy!
Rule #2 when it comes to picking out a first date is a little more practical. I would say that unless he's taking you to a Broadway musical or a black tie dinner at the White House, jeans should do the trick. You don't want to over do it on the first date. Jeans are a good way to be sexy without dressing so well you intimidate the guy. Every girl looks good in a pair of jeans that fits well. Pair it with a cute top and heals and your good to go.
Rule #3- Wear heals. This rule is a little flexible. If you are seriously not a heal kind of girl and know that heals would be totally against everything you stand for and you would be miserably thinking about your feet all night, then don't wear them. But for me, wearing heals makes me feel sexier. I don't wear them very often, but when I do, I stand a little taller and feel a little girlier. For my date with Davo, I busted out a pair of strappy yellow sandals to brighten up my black shirt and cropped hunter green jacket. Heals are a good thing. Don't be afraid of them. But make sure they are comfortable.
Rule #4- Color! Color! Color! Me and my friend Michelle went shopping for 3 hours the afternoon before my date. In my mind, I pictured myself wearing something bright red or yellow. Something fun that called attention to me. In the week before my date, I looked at my closet and realized it was void of any bright colors.
"How did this happen?" I thought.
Then I realized it happened about the same time I decided I didn't want guys to notice me and started my four year hiatus from dating. Well, now its time to stop. Colors are good. Colors are fun! And as I'm gaining confidence on the inside, I want that to be reflected in the brightness of my wardrobe. It's just who I am!
Unfortunately, shopping in Columbia is terrible and we didn't find anything. I decided to wear the jacket and shirt that I described earlier (which is actually what I had in mind from the beginning if I wasn't able to find something similar in a brighter color). To add color, I bought a copper bracelet, some earrings with the same color green and purple accents on them, I painted my nails a shiny light purple and my toe nails Emerald City green (which is now my new favorite polish) and finished it off with mustard yellow heals. The shoes may sound like they don't match, but the other colors in the outfit were dark and subtle. The shoes gave the outfit the pop it needed. I felt like a million bucks and was comfortable the entire time.
I've given you three pretty basic rules, but I want to conclude with the most important thing that I want you to get from this post. Be yourself! If your not yourself, then your inside won't shine on the outside. You won't have the confidence that will attract a guy to you, and your outfit won't be reflecting who you are. During my day of shopping I tried on several things that were cute and looked good on me...but all of them felt fake. Opting for new jewelry and an outfit I already owned was the best decision I could have made.
So girls, hair and do your make-up, not because you need to, but because you want to! We're girls! We like girly things and dressing up and primping make us feel good about ourselves. Go have fun!
And Laurie...I'm excited for you. You have cute style and you can be alluring. Get out there and show Kiren what your made of = ) Ha!
Anyway...let me start out by telling you about the process of outfit selection for my own first date. If you haven't noticed, I've been in a state of discovering myself for the past few months. In the process I've realized that I've done a lot and said a lot of things that aren't actually what I wanted to do or say. In other words, I did what other people did or what I thought they thought I should do so I could make sure they would like me. Sound weird? Well, you probably do it too.
One area that was affected by my inability to be myself was my wardrobe. I suffered in high school, stressing out every time I shopped because I wanted to make sure that what I bought would be acceptable by my fashionista friends. In college, I had even less money than I do now so shopping didn't happen much. I also realized the lack or originality I had when it came to shopping but didn't know myself well enough to establish a style on my own so I pretty much deleted any style that existed in my wardrobe and opted for plain Jane pieces that allowed me to fade into the background.
Well, let me just tell you. As I am discovering more of myself, I'm discovering an intense amount of creativity and liveliness, and fashion seems to be a perfect place to let that explode. Its been fun to redo my wardrobe and frustrating at the same time because I really don't have that much money to go shopping. Nevertheless, shopping has become less stressful and I look forward to it when I do get to go.
That being said...rule # 1 when picking out an outfit for a first date is BE YOURSELF! Don't bust out a sexy little black dress if that is not who you are. You won't be comfortable and your date will be left with an inauthentic impression of you. While shopping for a new outfit might be fun, you probably have something already in your closet that says, "this is me and I'm gorgeous. Thank you for taking me out on a date!"
After Davo (ha....I used his real name) asked me out, I went home and immediately started thinking about what I was going to wear ( and I"m not ashamed to say it because every girl does it). I knew I wanted to look cute, but more than anything I wanted to feel good about myself and I wanted him to notice me. Its okay to want the guy to notice you. Remember what my friend Elizabeth said about being alluring? Its so true! And that allure starts from the inside. Your outfit should never be used to cover up who you are, it should be a a reflection of what you are on the inside--confident, carefree, and sexy!
Rule #2 when it comes to picking out a first date is a little more practical. I would say that unless he's taking you to a Broadway musical or a black tie dinner at the White House, jeans should do the trick. You don't want to over do it on the first date. Jeans are a good way to be sexy without dressing so well you intimidate the guy. Every girl looks good in a pair of jeans that fits well. Pair it with a cute top and heals and your good to go.
Rule #3- Wear heals. This rule is a little flexible. If you are seriously not a heal kind of girl and know that heals would be totally against everything you stand for and you would be miserably thinking about your feet all night, then don't wear them. But for me, wearing heals makes me feel sexier. I don't wear them very often, but when I do, I stand a little taller and feel a little girlier. For my date with Davo, I busted out a pair of strappy yellow sandals to brighten up my black shirt and cropped hunter green jacket. Heals are a good thing. Don't be afraid of them. But make sure they are comfortable.
Rule #4- Color! Color! Color! Me and my friend Michelle went shopping for 3 hours the afternoon before my date. In my mind, I pictured myself wearing something bright red or yellow. Something fun that called attention to me. In the week before my date, I looked at my closet and realized it was void of any bright colors.
"How did this happen?" I thought.
Then I realized it happened about the same time I decided I didn't want guys to notice me and started my four year hiatus from dating. Well, now its time to stop. Colors are good. Colors are fun! And as I'm gaining confidence on the inside, I want that to be reflected in the brightness of my wardrobe. It's just who I am!
Unfortunately, shopping in Columbia is terrible and we didn't find anything. I decided to wear the jacket and shirt that I described earlier (which is actually what I had in mind from the beginning if I wasn't able to find something similar in a brighter color). To add color, I bought a copper bracelet, some earrings with the same color green and purple accents on them, I painted my nails a shiny light purple and my toe nails Emerald City green (which is now my new favorite polish) and finished it off with mustard yellow heals. The shoes may sound like they don't match, but the other colors in the outfit were dark and subtle. The shoes gave the outfit the pop it needed. I felt like a million bucks and was comfortable the entire time.
I've given you three pretty basic rules, but I want to conclude with the most important thing that I want you to get from this post. Be yourself! If your not yourself, then your inside won't shine on the outside. You won't have the confidence that will attract a guy to you, and your outfit won't be reflecting who you are. During my day of shopping I tried on several things that were cute and looked good on me...but all of them felt fake. Opting for new jewelry and an outfit I already owned was the best decision I could have made.
So girls, hair and do your make-up, not because you need to, but because you want to! We're girls! We like girly things and dressing up and primping make us feel good about ourselves. Go have fun!
And Laurie...I'm excited for you. You have cute style and you can be alluring. Get out there and show Kiren what your made of = ) Ha!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
First Date Anyone?
Its been a week since my first date, and I know you've all been waiting expectantly to find out how it went. I've been debating on whether or not I should write about it, considering he knows that I have a blog, but then I thought to myself, "what harm could it do? I don't think we'll make it to a second date anyway?"
Again....my life is destined to be a romantic comedy. I've seen these things happen before and even as I'm writing, I feel my hands trying to withdraw from the keyboard.
In light of a recent post on wanting my writing to beneficial and encouraging, I'm not going to rip apart my date and tell you everything he did wrong--in fact, I'm not sure if he did anything wrong. He was himself, he was nice, and I had fun. I actually wish I could go back and watch the date to see what I did wrong. Maybe then I would actually learn a thing or two. However, I shall relay to you the details of something I did learn:
Be yourself.
A couple days after the date, I was telling some friends about it and one of them said, "Why were you nervous? Nobody is themselves on a date! Its dating!"
But I beg to differ. If you can't be yourself, even a little bit, then you're not going to have very much fun.
In their book, Boundaries in Dating, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend make the remark that you should always know yourself before you get into a relationship.
"Maybe you will use dating to figure out who you are," they say. "But be sure you know who you are before you get serious."
Otherwise, you will lose yourself in the other person which will cause all sorts of issues.
I've done this in a lot of relationships in the past--both romantic relationships and friendships, and I think its safe to say that I'm not the only one. If you don't know who you are...that's okay! But don't just stand there, go figure it out! There's a whole world out there waiting for you to discover and if you just sit on your butt and do what everyone else does, you'll never get to see it. Once you figure out who you are, the world of dating is a lot more fun and a lot less intimidating.
Less intimidating, that is. Its still intimidating and scary, but a lot less if you know who you are. In fact, it will actually be fun. Yes...I left this date thinking, "wow...that was fun! I want to go on more dates!" And not just for the free food.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I HAVE A DATE!!!!
I have a date I have a date I have a date = )
Can you tell I'm a little excited? Is it weird that I'm so excited? Maybe I'm too excited.
I got home tonight and ran in the house to tell my roommate news. However, her "enthusiasm" left me wanting. I wanted her to jump up and down giggling with me, but all she did was sit on the couch with her sister and say, "Good!"
I got home tonight and ran in the house to tell my roommate news. However, her "enthusiasm" left me wanting. I wanted her to jump up and down giggling with me, but all she did was sit on the couch with her sister and say, "Good!"
Ugh. Whatever. Thankfully I do have other friends who know how to love and how to be happy for someone other than themselves. Not that Isa is totally consumed with herself, I just expected her to be more excited.
ANYWAY.......I freakin' have a date!
It happened after Cru tonight. I was walking out of the weekly meeting when he (I haven't thought of a code name yet. i guess I could use his real name. He used to read this blog, but I changed the url so he couldn't see it anymore. sneaky? maybe not) followed me out the door and said, "Hey Rachel."
About the same time, my friend Dana hit me on the arm. I looked at her, then looked at him. In my mind I uttered a feeble "Uuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm...." Then walked over to Dana.
"Hey!" I said and gave her a hug. "How are you?"
I don't really remember what she said. I feel kind of bad because I half way ignored her knowing that "he" was standing right behind me, waiting to talk about something.
I had a feeling he was about to ask me out. On Monday I had gone to Kaldis to work on my prayer letter and prepare for this week's Bible Study. "He" walked in to say hi to a friend then sat down at my table to chat (btw...its really awkward saying "he" all the time).
We talked for an hour. Chatted about this and that. A lot to do with ministry and what we're planning to do next year and blah blah blah blah blah.
"So do you have any big plans for the weekend?" he asked.
"Yea. Saturday we have fellowship dinner and my parents are coming into town for that."
"Oh ok. So are they coming in just for that on Saturday or will they be here on Friday too?"
"Yea," I responded, "they'll be here Friday."
"So on Friday night you're hanging out with your parents and Saturday night you'll be at fellowship dinner?"
What's with all the clarifying?
"Yep." I said. "What are you doing?"
Pause.....
"Oh, I don't know. I don't really have any plans, but I hope to be outside since its going to be so nice."
Another pause.
I wonder if he was going to ask me out on a date?
We continued talking for a while longer then his sister called and he left to go meet her.
So I'm standing in the hallway after Cru. I turn my back on Dana and look at him who has been patiently enduring the awkwardness.
"So what's up?" I ask.
Chris and Eric are a few feet away on my left. Katie is on my right, talking to some friends and waiting for me to take her to her car.
"Well," he said. "I was just wondering if you had any plans for next Saturday night?"
I knew it!
"Nope," I answered. "Not as of yet."
Not as of yet? Who talks like that?
"Cool." he said. "Well I was wondering if you would let me take you out. Ya know, maybe go to dinner or something."
He was very intentional with his words and with his eye contact.
"Umm...yea! That would be really fun!"
"Cool," he said. "So next Saturday night?"
"Yea! I'll see if I can pencil you in."
Pencil you in? That's exactly what I made fun of Jim for saying. ewe. Why am I so weird.
I don't exactly remember what his response was. My brain sort of went into over drive as I anylyzed everything around me.
I hope Chris and Eric didn't hear what just happened. Oh my gosh! What will Elizabeth think? Do you think anyone is listening. Oh crap. What are we going to do? Am I actually excited about this date?
"Well," his voice interupted my thoughts, "I already talked to Caleb and I thought we could go on sort of a double date with him and Maria. How does that sounds."
Wishing I would stop smiling so much I said, "Oh. You know I love MAria so that would be awesome." (and hopefully I didn't actually use the word awesome. I don't exactly remember).
"Alright then. Next Saturday it is."
"Yea! Thanks!"
"Well," I continued motioning towards Katie. "I guess I better get going and take this kid to her car."
"Alright. See ya!" he said.
"Bye."
And that was the end. I now have a date for next Saturday. My second date in 4-and-a-half years. Maybe now the posts will start showing up more frequently. Thanks for reading!
Okay.....so I need to confess a little facebook stalking incident that happened prior to the ask out on date incident.
On Wednesday night I was up late working on stuff for our East Asia Summer Project. Naturally, my the internet signed on to facebook so I could browse around and innocently catch up on my friends' lives.
Maybe I purposefully searched for this persons profile and maybe I was reading his wall just to see who was writing on it, or maybe I accidently clicked on his picture in my newsfeed. Either way, I found myself reading a post by his friend Mike that said:
"dude. i bought some of that delicious fresh peppered turkey from Hyvee and I can't stop eating. Please save me."
Now, you should know that last semester, Isa introduced me to HyVee's fresh peppered turkey and it is delicious. By far the best deli turkey I have ever eaten, and I've eaten alot of turkey. My mind was so focused on the fact that someone else appreciated HyVee fresh peppered turkey as much as I did, that before I knew it, i was commenting on the post:
"maybe it's weird that I'm commenting on this, but my roommate introduced me to that turkey last semester and I think its my favorite turky ever."
Innocent enough right? Well, on Thursday afternoon I signed onto facebook again to see that "he" had replied to my comment.
"no. not weird at all....until I realized that you must have been facebook stalking me to read this."
"maybe I was," I responded. "or maybe I just saw it on my newsfeed. you can choose to believe whichever you want."
Unfortunately for me, he's choosing to believe I was stalking him (which actually is the truth), but it must have flattered him because that very night he asked me out = )
"Yea," I responded, "they'll be here Friday."
"So on Friday night you're hanging out with your parents and Saturday night you'll be at fellowship dinner?"
What's with all the clarifying?
"Yep." I said. "What are you doing?"
Pause.....
"Oh, I don't know. I don't really have any plans, but I hope to be outside since its going to be so nice."
Another pause.
I wonder if he was going to ask me out on a date?
We continued talking for a while longer then his sister called and he left to go meet her.
So I'm standing in the hallway after Cru. I turn my back on Dana and look at him who has been patiently enduring the awkwardness.
"So what's up?" I ask.
Chris and Eric are a few feet away on my left. Katie is on my right, talking to some friends and waiting for me to take her to her car.
"Well," he said. "I was just wondering if you had any plans for next Saturday night?"
I knew it!
"Nope," I answered. "Not as of yet."
Not as of yet? Who talks like that?
"Cool." he said. "Well I was wondering if you would let me take you out. Ya know, maybe go to dinner or something."
He was very intentional with his words and with his eye contact.
"Umm...yea! That would be really fun!"
"Cool," he said. "So next Saturday night?"
"Yea! I'll see if I can pencil you in."
Pencil you in? That's exactly what I made fun of Jim for saying. ewe. Why am I so weird.
I don't exactly remember what his response was. My brain sort of went into over drive as I anylyzed everything around me.
I hope Chris and Eric didn't hear what just happened. Oh my gosh! What will Elizabeth think? Do you think anyone is listening. Oh crap. What are we going to do? Am I actually excited about this date?
"Well," his voice interupted my thoughts, "I already talked to Caleb and I thought we could go on sort of a double date with him and Maria. How does that sounds."
Wishing I would stop smiling so much I said, "Oh. You know I love MAria so that would be awesome." (and hopefully I didn't actually use the word awesome. I don't exactly remember).
"Alright then. Next Saturday it is."
"Yea! Thanks!"
"Well," I continued motioning towards Katie. "I guess I better get going and take this kid to her car."
"Alright. See ya!" he said.
"Bye."
And that was the end. I now have a date for next Saturday. My second date in 4-and-a-half years. Maybe now the posts will start showing up more frequently. Thanks for reading!
Okay.....so I need to confess a little facebook stalking incident that happened prior to the ask out on date incident.
On Wednesday night I was up late working on stuff for our East Asia Summer Project. Naturally, my the internet signed on to facebook so I could browse around and innocently catch up on my friends' lives.
Maybe I purposefully searched for this persons profile and maybe I was reading his wall just to see who was writing on it, or maybe I accidently clicked on his picture in my newsfeed. Either way, I found myself reading a post by his friend Mike that said:
"dude. i bought some of that delicious fresh peppered turkey from Hyvee and I can't stop eating. Please save me."
Now, you should know that last semester, Isa introduced me to HyVee's fresh peppered turkey and it is delicious. By far the best deli turkey I have ever eaten, and I've eaten alot of turkey. My mind was so focused on the fact that someone else appreciated HyVee fresh peppered turkey as much as I did, that before I knew it, i was commenting on the post:
"maybe it's weird that I'm commenting on this, but my roommate introduced me to that turkey last semester and I think its my favorite turky ever."
Innocent enough right? Well, on Thursday afternoon I signed onto facebook again to see that "he" had replied to my comment.
"no. not weird at all....until I realized that you must have been facebook stalking me to read this."
"maybe I was," I responded. "or maybe I just saw it on my newsfeed. you can choose to believe whichever you want."
Unfortunately for me, he's choosing to believe I was stalking him (which actually is the truth), but it must have flattered him because that very night he asked me out = )
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The first date
Well friends, the date with the Jim was a success. Nothing too awkward happened and I enjoyed two and a half hours of great conversation. While I left the date with a satisfied feeling of knowing I had found a good friend, I do have a few tips for all you men out there considering going on a first date:
1. Always give a compliment
I spent the entire week prior to the date convincing myself and everyone else around me that I didn't really want to go and that i didn't care what happened. But for some reason, I went to Target and bought a new shirt to wear with boots and a sweater that I already had. I took shower, straightened and styled my hair (which doesn't always happen), and spent a significant amount of time putting on make-up that matched my clothes and made my eyes pop. As I stood in the bathroom, bending over the sink with my face in the mirror, I kept asking myself, "Why am I even doing this? I don't care if he likes me. I don't even care if he finds me attractive. In fact, it would probably be best if he didn't find me attractive, then I don't have to worry about him asking me on a second date."
Nevertheless, I fixed myself up and I looked cute. Women spend time getting ready for dates and they like to know its appreciated. So compliment her. Tell her she looks pretty, compliment her outfit, tell her you like her hair. Something. Anything. Just make her feel good about herself. Jim didn't do this, and I noticed right away.
2. Open doors and pull out chairs
I attended a liberal women's college where the feminist movement is in full swing. In fact, a few of their philosophy's have stuck with me, and I'm totally for all girl power stuff. But that doesn't mean I don't like to be treated like a lady.
I will give Jim a little credit for this one. He opened the door at the restaurant and the coffee shop we went to afterwards. However, he did not open my car door (which would have been bonus points) and he didn't pull out my chair (which I can actually forgive that one because honestly, that can sometimes be a little awkward).
3. Don't run down the stairs
Jim had a disadvantage from the start. He had previously taken one of my friends on a date, and she told me his chivalry wasn't the greatest.
He picked me up at 6:30 and we drove downtown to eat at the Pasta Factory. We parked on the third floor of a parking garage about a block away. We got out of the car and walked to the stairs where he proceeded to run down the stairs in front of me. He was talking the entire time, but I have no idea what he was saying because I was trying to keep up with him while holding in my laughter and promising myself not to forget to tell Emily about this.
I'll just chalk this mistake up to his high strung personality and nerves.
4. Don't reveal your mental processes
The Pasta Factory is a nice restaurant--not quite on the same scale as Macaroni Grill, but I would choose it over Olive Garden. Jim is 21 and I am 22; however, I'm not a big wine drinker. After we sat down the waiter presented us with a wine menu and asked if either of us would like anything to drink besides water. Jim paused and I could see him looking at me in my peripheral vision.
"No thanks, I'm fine," I said.
"Yea me too," he said.
The waiter left to get our waters and some bread, and a single moment of awkward silence lingered between us.
"Uh yea, I debated in my head if that would be appropriate or not," Jim said. I glanced up from my menu. "Should I order a drink? Should I not? Maybe that's inappropriate. Up, nope. We couldn't drink together anyway because I'm a student and you're on staff. Huhu...stupid rules. Ha. Ya know. Anyway..."
His arms flailed in nervous gestures through the entire monologues. I bit my lip to hide a smile.
5. Make sure you know where you are going
Jim had texted me earlier that day to let me know that we were going to the Pasta Factory. This is an important note to take because the girl always needs to know how she should dress.
However, once we parked the car, Jim revealed that he had never been to the Pasta Factory and he didn't exactly know where it was.
"Max told me you had to go down some ally and the door was in the back," he said as we walked down the side walk. "Oh, is this it?" he asked as we past a creepy side street on our left.
Luckily for him, I had been to the Pasta Factory several times so I knew where I was going.
"No," I said. "And it's not really an ally. It's this cute little entry that leads to an outdoor patio. You'll see."
We continued walking.
"Oh, here we are," he said. Then he tried to enter a tattoo parlor.
"No, that's not it either," I said. "The door is back there." And I pointed to the Pasta Factory sign
Moral of the story--its okay to go somewhere you've never been before. Just make sure you scope it out first so you know where you are going.
6.. Be sure to lead the conversation
My biggest fear going into the date is that Jim wouldn't talk--that I would get in the car and have to think of something to say first. In my opinion, he asked me out so he should be ready and willing to begin a conversation.
Jim receives a gold star in this category, and maybe things were a little easier for him because we had a lot that we could talk about. The conversation went from roommates, to college, to classes and family, to dogs, to religion, and to Harry Potter before landing on my senior project. It was fun. And I had a nice time talking to him. Good job Jim in the arena of conversation.
A question
This might be a little embarrassing, but I may have made a mistake.
After dinner, we walked to The Underground (formally known as The Artisan) to get hot chocolate. Jim ordered and paid, which was very nice of him, then we sat down to enjoy the after dinner treat.
Each cup had a dollop of whipped cream on top, which planted itself on Jim's nose after he took a drink. He must have felt it because he wiped it off with the back of his hand, but he missed a tiny dot on his left nostril.
He was telling me about some of the Celtic symbolism in Harry Potter; he's taking a class on it and I'm currently reading it. I found it fascinating and I was trying to listen, but I kept looking at the whipped cream and wondering if I should tell him.
A few minutes passed and he paused his discussion.
"Umm..." I said. "Maybe this is awkward but you have some whipped cream on your nose."
He didn't really say anything but he kind of looked to the ceiling and whipped his nose.
"Well, I just figured you'd rather me tell you than not..."
"Maybe..." he said.
Maybe? Should I not have told him?
"I mean, I think I would want you to tell me if I had whipped cream on my nose."
1. Always give a compliment
I spent the entire week prior to the date convincing myself and everyone else around me that I didn't really want to go and that i didn't care what happened. But for some reason, I went to Target and bought a new shirt to wear with boots and a sweater that I already had. I took shower, straightened and styled my hair (which doesn't always happen), and spent a significant amount of time putting on make-up that matched my clothes and made my eyes pop. As I stood in the bathroom, bending over the sink with my face in the mirror, I kept asking myself, "Why am I even doing this? I don't care if he likes me. I don't even care if he finds me attractive. In fact, it would probably be best if he didn't find me attractive, then I don't have to worry about him asking me on a second date."
Nevertheless, I fixed myself up and I looked cute. Women spend time getting ready for dates and they like to know its appreciated. So compliment her. Tell her she looks pretty, compliment her outfit, tell her you like her hair. Something. Anything. Just make her feel good about herself. Jim didn't do this, and I noticed right away.
2. Open doors and pull out chairs
I attended a liberal women's college where the feminist movement is in full swing. In fact, a few of their philosophy's have stuck with me, and I'm totally for all girl power stuff. But that doesn't mean I don't like to be treated like a lady.
I will give Jim a little credit for this one. He opened the door at the restaurant and the coffee shop we went to afterwards. However, he did not open my car door (which would have been bonus points) and he didn't pull out my chair (which I can actually forgive that one because honestly, that can sometimes be a little awkward).
3. Don't run down the stairs
Jim had a disadvantage from the start. He had previously taken one of my friends on a date, and she told me his chivalry wasn't the greatest.
He picked me up at 6:30 and we drove downtown to eat at the Pasta Factory. We parked on the third floor of a parking garage about a block away. We got out of the car and walked to the stairs where he proceeded to run down the stairs in front of me. He was talking the entire time, but I have no idea what he was saying because I was trying to keep up with him while holding in my laughter and promising myself not to forget to tell Emily about this.
I'll just chalk this mistake up to his high strung personality and nerves.
4. Don't reveal your mental processes
The Pasta Factory is a nice restaurant--not quite on the same scale as Macaroni Grill, but I would choose it over Olive Garden. Jim is 21 and I am 22; however, I'm not a big wine drinker. After we sat down the waiter presented us with a wine menu and asked if either of us would like anything to drink besides water. Jim paused and I could see him looking at me in my peripheral vision.
"No thanks, I'm fine," I said.
"Yea me too," he said.
The waiter left to get our waters and some bread, and a single moment of awkward silence lingered between us.
"Uh yea, I debated in my head if that would be appropriate or not," Jim said. I glanced up from my menu. "Should I order a drink? Should I not? Maybe that's inappropriate. Up, nope. We couldn't drink together anyway because I'm a student and you're on staff. Huhu...stupid rules. Ha. Ya know. Anyway..."
His arms flailed in nervous gestures through the entire monologues. I bit my lip to hide a smile.
5. Make sure you know where you are going
Jim had texted me earlier that day to let me know that we were going to the Pasta Factory. This is an important note to take because the girl always needs to know how she should dress.
However, once we parked the car, Jim revealed that he had never been to the Pasta Factory and he didn't exactly know where it was.
"Max told me you had to go down some ally and the door was in the back," he said as we walked down the side walk. "Oh, is this it?" he asked as we past a creepy side street on our left.
Luckily for him, I had been to the Pasta Factory several times so I knew where I was going.
"No," I said. "And it's not really an ally. It's this cute little entry that leads to an outdoor patio. You'll see."
We continued walking.
"Oh, here we are," he said. Then he tried to enter a tattoo parlor.
"No, that's not it either," I said. "The door is back there." And I pointed to the Pasta Factory sign
Moral of the story--its okay to go somewhere you've never been before. Just make sure you scope it out first so you know where you are going.
6.. Be sure to lead the conversation
My biggest fear going into the date is that Jim wouldn't talk--that I would get in the car and have to think of something to say first. In my opinion, he asked me out so he should be ready and willing to begin a conversation.
Jim receives a gold star in this category, and maybe things were a little easier for him because we had a lot that we could talk about. The conversation went from roommates, to college, to classes and family, to dogs, to religion, and to Harry Potter before landing on my senior project. It was fun. And I had a nice time talking to him. Good job Jim in the arena of conversation.
A question
This might be a little embarrassing, but I may have made a mistake.
After dinner, we walked to The Underground (formally known as The Artisan) to get hot chocolate. Jim ordered and paid, which was very nice of him, then we sat down to enjoy the after dinner treat.
Each cup had a dollop of whipped cream on top, which planted itself on Jim's nose after he took a drink. He must have felt it because he wiped it off with the back of his hand, but he missed a tiny dot on his left nostril.
He was telling me about some of the Celtic symbolism in Harry Potter; he's taking a class on it and I'm currently reading it. I found it fascinating and I was trying to listen, but I kept looking at the whipped cream and wondering if I should tell him.
A few minutes passed and he paused his discussion.
"Umm..." I said. "Maybe this is awkward but you have some whipped cream on your nose."
He didn't really say anything but he kind of looked to the ceiling and whipped his nose.
"Well, I just figured you'd rather me tell you than not..."
"Maybe..." he said.
Maybe? Should I not have told him?
"I mean, I think I would want you to tell me if I had whipped cream on my nose."
"In that case, you do," he said.
"Only now I don't believe you," I laughed before turning the conversation back to Harry Potter.
Any advice on what to do next time?
Conclusion
Like I said, the date was fun and I walked away feeling like I had made a friend. For some reason, I got a little nervous before the date. I think it had something to do with a thought in the back of my mind: I knew that this was the first of a series of first dates and opening up to myself and to other people. That scares me a little bit.
But this was a good place to begin. Thanks, Jim, for a good night. I realized that I could hold a conversation, that I can control myself from being mean to guys, and that it is possible to have fun on a date with someone you aren't necessarily attracted to.
So, here's to the start of an interesting experience. Stay tuned to find out when date number two will happen.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Call me a jerk if you must
I'm sitting on a couch beside two women that are quickly becoming my close friends, Maria and Michelle. Michelle and I had just finished watching Grey's Anatomy and Maria had come over to watch a movie. Laurie, Michelle's roommate, and her boyfriend Eric were putting away their dinner dishes and preparing to head out for the night.
"So," Michelle said. "Tell me the story! I need to know the details!"
"Oh my gosh," Maria laughed. "I still can't believe he asked you on a date."
"Who is it?" Michelle asked.
While I don't think I can post his name on this blog because too many people that know him read it, I can announce that I am, in fact, going on a date.
The circumstances of the date might surprise you, and I'm a little embarrassed that I said yes. I've known the guy for two years, although I would still consider us only acquaintances, and the thought of dating him has never crossed my mind. Nevertheless, like a good little boy, he listened when his Bible Study leader and my Personal PR Guy, Alan, texted him and told him he should think about asking me on a date.
"Are you only doing this because Alan told you too?" I asked him when he approached me (apparently that was the wrong thing to say because every friend that I have told had a negative reaction. Oh well. What can I say. I wanted to know!)
"Well," he said, "that's what gave me the idea at first. But then I thought about it some more and I really do want to take you out. It could be fun."
"Fun," I thought, "that's what I'm looking for. No pressure, friendly fun."
"Okay," I said. "I think I can do that."
I then clarified that it would just be a friend thing. I didn't want him to start the date off with the wrong impression--the impression that this might actually go somewhere. Maybe that is mean of me. Maybe I should give the guy a chance. But for now, I'm simpy seeing it as good practice. Call me a jerk if you want.
"So," Michelle said. "Tell me the story! I need to know the details!"
"Oh my gosh," Maria laughed. "I still can't believe he asked you on a date."
"Who is it?" Michelle asked.
While I don't think I can post his name on this blog because too many people that know him read it, I can announce that I am, in fact, going on a date.
The circumstances of the date might surprise you, and I'm a little embarrassed that I said yes. I've known the guy for two years, although I would still consider us only acquaintances, and the thought of dating him has never crossed my mind. Nevertheless, like a good little boy, he listened when his Bible Study leader and my Personal PR Guy, Alan, texted him and told him he should think about asking me on a date.
"Are you only doing this because Alan told you too?" I asked him when he approached me (apparently that was the wrong thing to say because every friend that I have told had a negative reaction. Oh well. What can I say. I wanted to know!)
"Well," he said, "that's what gave me the idea at first. But then I thought about it some more and I really do want to take you out. It could be fun."
"Fun," I thought, "that's what I'm looking for. No pressure, friendly fun."
"Okay," I said. "I think I can do that."
I then clarified that it would just be a friend thing. I didn't want him to start the date off with the wrong impression--the impression that this might actually go somewhere. Maybe that is mean of me. Maybe I should give the guy a chance. But for now, I'm simpy seeing it as good practice. Call me a jerk if you want.
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