A new outlook on dating

I am a self diagnosed schizophrenic. That sounded a little creepier than I meant so maybe its not that serious. Nevertheless, I do argue with myself in my head, and I often feel that two very different people are doing arguing (and you wonder why I haven't had a date). But hey, C.S. Lewis metnioned something similar in Mere Christianity when he said that all people have three selves. So if a brilliant philosopher/theologian/writer agrees with me, I can't be that crazy.

Jim, the guy I'm going on a date with next week(at least that's what I'm calling him here), finally called me last night, and we settled on next Wednesday for our date. Where we will go and what we will do, I have no idea. What I do know is that the thought of this first date sends my self into an argument with my other self:

First side (the louder side): Oh my gosh. I can't believe I'm going on a date with him. This is terrible. Can you believe he asked you to pencil him in? What kind of a question is that? It's not like it's an appointment. It's a date--something you should want to do, not have to do. Wow...this is going to be so funny. I can't wait to tell everyone what happens.

Second side (or the opposing side): Rachel, stop being mean. You're only being mean because you're afraid. Give the guy a chance. It might actually be fun. Just because you're going on a date with him doesn't mean you have to end up "dating" him. Relax. Get to know him, let him get to know you, and you will both walk away happy.


I realize that my tendency to want to be mean to guys stems from fear. Fear that I might get hurt, fear that the date will lead into a relationship I don't want, and fear that letting someone else see me and know me will mean that I also have to see and know myself.

These are all irrational fears.

I listened to a talk on dating a few weeks ago (don't judge me! it's a good talk and I'm going to post it on here soon). Two points mentioned in the talk really got my attention:

1. At the end of the night, each person should walk away feeling better about his or her self
2. One date doesn't mean you're going to end up in a relationship. Just take it for what it is--a date--a chance for you to get to know the other person and in the process, learn something about yourself.

I think this is the best philosophy of dating I've heard in a long time. It takes all the pressure off the single date and allows you to do you she wanted to do in the first place--have fun!

So, here's to a new outlook on dating and a no pressure night of fun with Jim! (oops...I almost let him real name slip.)

Oh, and don't worry Josh Jack...I'm working on that dream interpretation.

Call me a jerk if you must

I'm sitting on a couch beside two women that are quickly becoming my close friends, Maria and Michelle. Michelle and I had just finished watching Grey's Anatomy and Maria had come over to watch a movie. Laurie, Michelle's roommate, and her boyfriend Eric were putting away their dinner dishes and preparing to head out for the night.

"So," Michelle said. "Tell me the story! I need to know the details!"

"Oh my gosh," Maria laughed. "I still can't believe he asked you on a date."

"Who is it?" Michelle asked.

While I don't think I can post his name on this blog because too many people that know him read it, I can announce that I am, in fact, going on a date.

The circumstances of the date might surprise you, and I'm a little embarrassed that I said yes. I've known the guy for two years, although I would still consider us only acquaintances, and the thought of dating him has never crossed my mind. Nevertheless, like a good little boy, he listened when his Bible Study leader and my Personal PR Guy, Alan, texted him and told him he should think about asking me on a date.

"Are you only doing this because Alan told you too?" I asked him when he approached me (apparently that was the wrong thing to say because every friend that I have told had a negative reaction. Oh well. What can I say. I wanted to know!)

"Well," he said, "that's what gave me the idea at first. But then I thought about it some more and I really do want to take you out. It could be fun."

"Fun," I thought, "that's what I'm looking for. No pressure, friendly fun."

"Okay," I said. "I think I can do that."

I then clarified that it would just be a friend thing. I didn't want him to start the date off with the wrong impression--the impression that this might actually go somewhere. Maybe that is mean of me. Maybe I should give the guy a chance. But for now, I'm simpy seeing it as good practice. Call me a jerk if you want.