First Date Anyone?

Its been a week since my first date, and I know you've all been waiting expectantly to find out how it went. I've been debating on whether or not I should write about it, considering he knows that I have a blog, but then I thought to myself, "what harm could it do? I don't think we'll make it to a second date anyway?"

Again....my life is destined to be a romantic comedy. I've seen these things happen before and even as I'm writing, I feel my hands trying to withdraw from the keyboard.

In light of a recent post on wanting my writing to beneficial and encouraging, I'm not going to rip apart my date and tell you everything he did wrong--in fact, I'm not sure if he did anything wrong. He was himself, he was nice, and I had fun. I actually wish I could go back and watch the date to see what I did wrong. Maybe then I would actually learn a thing or two. However, I shall relay to you the details of something I did learn:

Be yourself.

A couple days after the date, I was telling some friends about it and one of them said, "Why were you nervous? Nobody is themselves on a date! Its dating!"

But I beg to differ. If you can't be yourself, even a little bit, then you're not going to have very much fun.

In their book, Boundaries in Dating, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend make the remark that you should always know yourself before you get into a relationship.

"Maybe you will use dating to figure out who you are," they say. "But be sure you know who you are before you get serious."

Otherwise, you will lose yourself in the other person which will cause all sorts of issues.

I've done this in a lot of relationships in the past--both romantic relationships and friendships, and I think its safe to say that I'm not the only one. If you don't know who you are...that's okay! But don't just stand there, go figure it out! There's a whole world out there waiting for you to discover and if you just sit on your butt and do what everyone else does, you'll never get to see it. Once you figure out who you are, the world of dating is a lot more fun and a lot less intimidating.

Less intimidating, that is. Its still intimidating and scary, but a lot less if you know who you are. In fact, it will actually be fun. Yes...I left this date thinking, "wow...that was fun! I want to go on more dates!" And not just for the free food.

question marks

Okay...so I don't really know what to write right now, but I have a bunch of thoughts running through my head and they need somewhere to go. Maybe they'll all come together and make a little sense, or maybe you'll all be left agreeing with the new url for this blog. Either way, I'm going to ramble them off.

My friend Michelle gave me a book called "Boundaries in Dating." Its by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend--the same men that wrote the book "Changes that Heal," which I read last semester (totally changed my life....everyone should read it...and that is not being said lightly. I'm serious. Read it).

Anyway, I started reading "Boundaries in Dating" last night and as I was reading, I began writing down the fears that I had when it came to dating. While I don't feel comfortable putting all my fears on this blog as of yet, I will say that some of them include: a fear of messing up, the fear that I won't be myself, and a fear of not knowing what I want.

I'm not ready to unpack what all of these fears look like or why they're there or what to do about them. And underneath all of those fears lie even more fears that I have yet to uncover. They're like little voices hiding under the surface that I can't quite hear what they are. This is the type of thing that most people shy away from sharing, and I am the queen of isolation and shutting people out. But if there's anything that I've learned this year, its that relationships are key in both personal growth and living a full life. We were created for relationships and we can't fully function in isolation.

Tonight Davo gave a talk at Cru from Genesis 12. He discussed Abraham's faithfulness in blindly following the Lord.

"Has God ever held out his hand to you and said follow me, but you don't know where you're going?" he asked.

I thought about it, and I'm not sure that I've never known where I was going. I just haven't been sure if God would pull through for me. In the same way, I think all of life is one big blind step after another. If we find ourselves growing complacent in our lives and we're not growing or developing in some area, then we're not relying on God enough and we're not taking faith steps to insure growth and maturity.

Davo then focused on the blessings that God bestowed upon Abraham and how Abraham celebrated by holding a "church service" in a lost land and using his blessings to bless other people.

"That's why God gives us things," Davo said. "To give them back to other people. God blesses us so we can bless others and they can ask us what why we're blessing them and we can point to Jesus."

Sometimes...actually most of the time...I don't think I realize how much Jesus has blessed me. I'm quick to hide behind being politically correct or culturally relevant, and I neglect the truth about the person who saved me and gave me something to worry about cultural relevancy in the first place.

Jesus saved me and continues to save me everyday and that's something I wish everyone could experience. Unfortunately, many people will choose not to and that makes me very sad....especially those that I am friends with.

So what the heck does all this have to do with dating? I didn't mean to get on a religious soap box back there. It just sort of happened as I am in a time of intense reflection and personal growth.

After Davo's talk I began thinking about the gifts that God has given me and evaluating how much I use them to bless other people. Without even getting into finances, I see that God has clearly gifted me with the ability to write. Most of the time I don't think about writing as a gift from God, but it totally is. And if it is a gift from God, then I should be using it to bless other people. That being said....I recognize that I make fun of people way too much. As previously established, my tendency to be critical in the dating arena is a defense mechanism to keep guys at arms distance. However, if I continue to do that, I will never get to know someone on that deeper level that could lead to love. And isn't that what we all really and truly want anyway?

Do I use my gifts to bless others? What would it even look like to use writing to bless others? Is this blog a blessing? Or is it merely a way for me to gain attention and spark a few laughs here and there. I think the latter has been subconsciously true for most of my blogging career. But I don't want that. I really want everything i do to be a blessing to other people and not an act of selfish ambition. Isn't that what's really wrong with world? At our cores, all people are selfish.

So, if this blog is to be used as a blessing to people, what would it look like? Would I come back from my date and bash every mistake he made or read into things so much that I find flaws that don't really exist? Absolutely not.

I'm not sure what a dating blog that exists souly to bless other people would look like, but I think it would be something like this: 1.)a place to offer advice--to use my mistakes, my fears, and my experiences to give you something to relate to. I wish I knew enough to actually give you something to take away from reading it. 2.) A place to have fun. I like to laugh just like the next person. Its just that its a lot easier to laugh when you're making fun of other people. Fortunately, dating is a wacky stage of life anyway (as if I would know), so I'm banking on some pretty awkward and embarrassing stories to come along with it.

And the last link I want to put to dating and all the rest of this stuff is the area of blessing and encouragement. I told Michelle that I didn't want my date to become some sort of guinea pig for me to test out all my fears and emotions on. Thankfully she was encouraging saying that since I was aware of it, that probably wouldn't happen. However, she did say something to me that I liked:

"Well, how about this. Why don't you guinea pig yourself! Test yourself out. Take a risk and be encouraging. Just be yourself!" (whatever that means).

Be encouraging. Its a lot easier said than done when your natural tendency is to push people through hurtful sarcasm. Encouragement requires a lot more vulnerability because you risk telling the person what you really think. You risk being nice and have them fall for that niceness. But I think its time to start taking those sorts of risks. I don't want to be immature anymore.

Hope you enjoyed hearing my serious side for a while = )

I HAVE A DATE!!!!

I have a date I have a date I have a date = )

Can you tell I'm a little excited? Is it weird that I'm so excited? Maybe I'm too excited.

I got home tonight and ran in the house to tell my roommate news. However, her "enthusiasm" left me wanting. I wanted her to jump up and down giggling with me, but all she did was sit on the couch with her sister and say, "Good!"

Ugh. Whatever. Thankfully I do have other friends who know how to love and how to be happy for someone other than themselves. Not that Isa is totally consumed with herself, I just expected her to be more excited.

ANYWAY.......I freakin' have a date!

It happened after Cru tonight. I was walking out of the weekly meeting when he (I haven't thought of a code name yet. i guess I could use his real name. He used to read this blog, but I changed the url so he couldn't see it anymore. sneaky? maybe not) followed me out the door and said, "Hey Rachel."

About the same time, my friend Dana hit me on the arm. I looked at her, then looked at him. In my mind I uttered a feeble "Uuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm...." Then walked over to Dana.

"Hey!" I said and gave her a hug. "How are you?"

I don't really remember what she said. I feel kind of bad because I half way ignored her knowing that "he" was standing right behind me, waiting to talk about something.

I had a feeling he was about to ask me out. On Monday I had gone to Kaldis to work on my prayer letter and prepare for this week's Bible Study. "He" walked in to say hi to a friend then sat down at my table to chat (btw...its really awkward saying "he" all the time).

We talked for an hour. Chatted about this and that. A lot to do with ministry and what we're planning to do next year and blah blah blah blah blah.

"So do you have any big plans for the weekend?" he asked.

"Yea. Saturday we have fellowship dinner and my parents are coming into town for that."

"Oh ok. So are they coming in just for that on Saturday or will they be here on Friday too?"

"Yea," I responded, "they'll be here Friday."

"So on Friday night you're hanging out with your parents and Saturday night you'll be at fellowship dinner?"

What's with all the clarifying?

"Yep." I said. "What are you doing?"

Pause.....

"Oh, I don't know. I don't really have any plans, but I hope to be outside since its going to be so nice."

Another pause.

I wonder if he was going to ask me out on a date?

We continued talking for a while longer then his sister called and he left to go meet her.

So I'm standing in the hallway after Cru. I turn my back on Dana and look at him who has been patiently enduring the awkwardness.

"So what's up?" I ask.

Chris and Eric are a few feet away on my left. Katie is on my right, talking to some friends and waiting for me to take her to her car.

"Well," he said. "I was just wondering if you had any plans for next Saturday night?"

I knew it!

"Nope," I answered. "Not as of yet."

Not as of yet? Who talks like that?

"Cool." he said. "Well I was wondering if you would let me take you out. Ya know, maybe go to dinner or something."

He was very intentional with his words and with his eye contact.

"Umm...yea! That would be really fun!"

"Cool," he said. "So next Saturday night?"

"Yea! I'll see if I can pencil you in."

Pencil you in? That's exactly what I made fun of Jim for saying. ewe. Why am I so weird.

I don't exactly remember what his response was. My brain sort of went into over drive as I anylyzed everything around me.

I hope Chris and Eric didn't hear what just happened. Oh my gosh! What will Elizabeth think? Do you think anyone is listening. Oh crap. What are we going to do? Am I actually excited about this date?

"Well," his voice interupted my thoughts, "I already talked to Caleb and I thought we could go on sort of a double date with him and Maria. How does that sounds."

Wishing I would stop smiling so much I said, "Oh. You know I love MAria so that would be awesome." (and hopefully I didn't actually use the word awesome. I don't exactly remember).

"Alright then. Next Saturday it is."

"Yea! Thanks!"

"Well," I continued motioning towards Katie. "I guess I better get going and take this kid to her car."

"Alright. See ya!" he said.

"Bye."

And that was the end. I now have a date for next Saturday. My second date in 4-and-a-half years. Maybe now the posts will start showing up more frequently. Thanks for reading!



Okay.....so I need to confess a little facebook stalking incident that happened prior to the ask out on date incident.

On Wednesday night I was up late working on stuff for our East Asia Summer Project. Naturally, my the internet signed on to facebook so I could browse around and innocently catch up on my friends' lives.

Maybe I purposefully searched for this persons profile and maybe I was reading his wall just to see who was writing on it, or maybe I accidently clicked on his picture in my newsfeed. Either way, I found myself reading a post by his friend Mike that said:

"dude. i bought some of that delicious fresh peppered turkey from Hyvee and I can't stop eating. Please save me."

Now, you should know that last semester, Isa introduced me to HyVee's fresh peppered turkey and it is delicious. By far the best deli turkey I have ever eaten, and I've eaten alot of turkey. My mind was so focused on the fact that someone else appreciated HyVee fresh peppered turkey as much as I did, that before I knew it, i was commenting on the post:

"maybe it's weird that I'm commenting on this, but my roommate introduced me to that turkey last semester and I think its my favorite turky ever."

Innocent enough right? Well, on Thursday afternoon I signed onto facebook again to see that "he" had replied to my comment.

"no. not weird at all....until I realized that you must have been facebook stalking me to read this."

"maybe I was," I responded. "or maybe I just saw it on my newsfeed. you can choose to believe whichever you want."

Unfortunately for me, he's choosing to believe I was stalking him (which actually is the truth), but it must have flattered him because that very night he asked me out = )

Article # 2!

There is one thing I really don't like about writing for this online magazine and one thing I really do like.

The thing I really don't like is that I can be shallow in my writing and still get my work published. I don't have to work to hard or research or do anything like that and they still want it.

The thing I really do like is that I can be shallow in my writing and still get my work published. I don't have to work too hard or research or do anything like that and they still want it.

This article could be so much more....info on eharmony and match.com, more statistics, more interviews. It could have been really fun and really insightful. Unfortunately, I don't have time for that. And that is why this job is perfect right now. Because it just has to be good enough. And I'm not sure how I feel about being okay with that. Oh well! Happy reading.

http://www.gradmagazine.com/2010/02/love-eharmony-style/

Bleh!

5 reasons Why You Want to Learn How to Pick Up a Stripper to Improve Your Dating Game

Step 1: Click the above link

Step 2: Read the article

Step 3: Join me in being pissed off at this Bonsai Dating Coach guy.

I mean, seriously? Seriously? He has got to be joking.

Unfortunately, he's not. If you read far enough, you will see a number of comments from other assholes who actually gave his crappy advice a shot.

"Don't give up!" says Mr. Asian Dating Man. "Anyone can be good with women. It just takes practice."

Well, you know what I think--if you have to learn how to act around women by going to a strip club, then you're screwed. First of all, strippers can read you a lot better than that. They're not dumb. They're just using you to make money; so all your little tricks to get them to think you are interested most likely won't work.

Second of all, you'd be lying. You're not interested in them for anything other than their looks so basically all your doing is teaching yourself to be a prevaricator. And you're probably not even smart enough to figure out what that is (of course neither was I until I used my handy dandy thesaurus...but that's beside the point).

Likewise, I can only imagine the sort of pride and arrogance that accompanies successfully screwing a stripper, and that type of attitude is generally not attractive. What are you going to do? Approach the cute girl at the bar next weekend and impress her by telling her that not only did you go to a strip club, but you made friends with the stripper and now you two are besties? Yea....that'll win her over. NOT! If I were her, I'd throw my drink in your face.

The worst part about this little blogger is that he has over a thousand followers. That's a thousand (times at least ten because they probably discuss this crap with all their friends) men who are being brain washed to believe that this is what women want. And the reality is, they will probably land some crazy girl whose too insecure to say "no" to a fabricating jerk who not convinces her that not only is she the prettiest girl he's ever seen, but also the smartest.

Oh man....it's articles like this that only make a girl like me more critical. Thankfully, I've somehow managed to find myself in the company of a few good men who can counteract this sort of thinking and that there are actually nice guys out there.

Ugh...now I'm too mad to think of something worth writing. Good night!

Yay!!!!

Nothing Important.....just my first article for grad magazine!!!!

Just click on the link on the left to read a little advice about texting during a date. Sorry....not nearly as interesting as the crap on this blog, but read it anyway. Who knows...one of your quotes might show up!

Words of Wisdom from Ursula the Sea Witch

Okay....I know you've all been anticipating the link between my dating life and Ursula the Sea Witch. And I can almost bet that when I reveal it to you, you will be shocked to know that you were getting such scandalous advice as a seven-year-old. Nevertheless, I am not opposed to unveiling Disney's questionable methods of exposing children to subtle innuendos.

About a month ago my friend Michelle pointed out that a guy was interested in me (I think we've already established that I've spent 4 years training myself to be oblivious to these things).

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Because," she answered, "he was totally leaning into you! His shoulders were turned towards you, his body was open towards you. It was obvious.

"You, on the other hand, stayed completely closed off."

Then she proceeded to re-inact the way I kept my arms crossed and my body turned away from him.

"Did you think he was attractive?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Then show it! It's all about the body language..."

And immediately I remembered sitting on the floor of my living room, a child of the '90s, watching The Little Mermaid, and giggling as Ursula placed a hand on her hip and said,

"And don't underestimate the importance of body language...HAA!"

Then she gave her butt a little shake and sashayed away.

I remember wondering what the heck body language could mean. I never dreamed it would be useful 15 years later when I would need to know things like touching a guy on the arm was a , or turning your body towards him, or looking in his eyes are good things.

Now, before you think I'm a total prude (not that that's a bad thing. In fact, it would probably be better than what's actually true), you should know that I do actually know all of those things and then some. The problem arises when I try to figure out what's appropriate and what's not. I spent my entire high school career living on the side of inappropriate, lacking any self-respect, then moved to the land of self-righteous goody-goody who didn't want to touch a guy with a ten-foot pole.

Okay, maybe that's a little over dramatic. But you get my point.

Anyway, all I'm trying to say is that next time you watch a Disney movie, pay attention. You might learn a thing or two from your favorite princess....or sea witch.

For more information, please click the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCaMgGIeVVI