Sigh......

I know my blog is pretty much dead. I know no one reads it any more because I rarely ever post. But the good thing about never posting is that you know when I do post, it will be good. Because what I've found, is that this blog is really just a place for me to vent all my frustrated and unprocessed feelings that I don't know what to do with:

Like tonight, after talking with Bailey*. Yes, Bailey (the name has been changed because I still don't feel comfortable using real names even though no one reads this anyway)--a new name to the Dating Blog. I met him on an airplane about a month ago. Yes, on an airplane. And its just what you're thinking. Like a movie. I sat by him on a Southwest flight to Nashville, TN, and noticed he was reading a graphic design magazine. Curious, I asked, "Are you a graphic designer?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Cool," I said. "I think I just decided that that's what I want to do." (little does he know that I'm crazy and that I change my mind every 10 minutes about what i want to do.

So we struck up a conversation. I told him about my new found love for graphic novels and he told me how he landed a job in Dallas at Fossil's design department. Fossil...yes! Fossil. He's legit.

So he tells me more about design and I tell him more about me and then we discover that we're both Christians. It was an odd discovery, but totally cool and we connected about mission trips we'd been on and other places that we wanted to travel. It sounds like every girl's dream, right? To meet a guy on an airplane and talk so much that you don't even realize the plane has landed.

Before we got off the plane, he handed me his business card and told me to let him know if I needed any help or critiques as I ventured into the world of graphic design. I was really flattered and thankful that I ran into this guy. Then we walked to baggage claim together and before I could send him off with a simple goodbye he said, "So, would it be okay with you if we continued this conversation via text message?"

So of course, as in past circumstances, my mind raced a mile a minute through a thousand different thoughts before settling on "oh sure, why not. I mean this is one of those movie moments. I'm not really attracted to him, but that doesn't matter, right?"

WRONG.

I think it should matter. I haven't posted too much about my pre-blogging dating dilemmas, but I was told by a very good male friend after a catastrophic phone number handout that if a guy ever asks for your number, that means he's interested in being more than friends (do you remember that Josh Jack? HILARIOUS! That story might have to go on here sometime).

So I give this guy my number and he walks away. I grab my suitcase, burst out laughing, and grab my cell phone.

"Maria!" I say after dialing my best friend's number. "You won't believe what I just did! I just gave my number to a guy I met on the airplane! He lives in Dallas and he's a graphic designer for Fossil!"

Needless to say, Maria was proud of me, and for a moment I was excited. I actually gave my number to a legit guy.

Well....he texted me quite a bit over the next weekend. I was visiting my family for my sister's graduation, but I felt like I was on my phone all the time.

"Its my fault," I told myself. "I'm the one that told him I would continue the conversation over text."

But the truth is, I don't like texting that much. At least not about big things. And he was asking me some pretty big things--things like "what kind of church did you grow up in" "what's you family like?" "what do you like about your church?" "what do you think about God?"

And for me, those types of questions should be talked about in person or over the phone because a text message just can't encapsulate my entire response.

So....I debated....should I text him and tell him that I would rather him call me? I don't know? I don't want to be awkward. And I don't even know if I want him to call me. I don't know if I like him. I didn't think this would be a big deal.

And so the texting continued. And I got even more annoyed. So I just stopped responding. Then I saw him at the airport on my way home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!!!!! I did!!!!!!!!!!!! We were in the same terminal waiting at adjacent gates for two different flights and he was there!!!!! And he saw me!!! And he sat by me!!! And talked to me!!! And I felt myself pull away!!!

Oh gosh.......all these exclamation points are probably really unnecessary, but its all because I feel overwhelmed right now. You see, this guy continued to text me, and I continued to get even more turned off--and not because he's not a great guy, but because I'm not interested in him and all the texting was leading me to believe that he was interested in me and it was making me feel like our relationship was something more than what it really was. But I didn't say anything....for a month....until tonight....when, after 2 unanswered texts and an unanswered fb chat request he popped up on my homepage again:

"Go mavs!" he said.

"Go mavs?" I replied.

"Yea. The NBA team. I'm not much of a fan, but I live in Dallas and everyone's watching so I figured I better cheer."

"Oh."

i wasn't impressed. I was kind of annoyed. I don't like this mindless chatter about nothing.

"Can I be honest with you about something?" I asked.

"Sure," he said.

"Well...the truth is. I don't really like texting that much. And I know you apologized on fb chat the other night for sending me so many texts and I didn't respond. But it has been kind of overwhelming with you texting me so much."

"I had no idea you felt that way," he said. "Thank you for sharing."

"You're welcome. I really don't even text my close friends that much so it just felt weird to me."

"Oh ok."

And without me even saying it I think he read between the lines "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

And I feel bad. Because that's the truth. And its not because he's a bad guy, he's just not the guy for me. And if we had met in another life where we lived in the same city and worked at the same job, we might have been friends. But other than that, I don't think its worth my time texting all the time and pretending that we are good friends. Its just weird. And yet again, if this makes me a bitch then so be it. But I'm just trying to practice being honest and I quite honestly don't like it. It goes against my default of always being nice to everyone and never hurting anyone's feelings. But even though it sucks, I think being honest is better than being fake. Even if it means hurting someone else's feelings.

So, sighhhhhhhh.......

I'll stop whining now and embrace my new identity as an honest bitch**

Disclaimer--I know this is a little harsh. And I know I'm not a bitch. I'm just in a really strange mood right now as if you couldn't read it in my voice. The dating world (even though this post has nothing to do with an actual date) is so weird. Someday, I should write a tv like "How I Met Your Mother," only based on my life and how I met my child's father.

My Own Little Advice Column

I was chatting with a friend the other day when he said, "I have a brilliant idea for you...and you could make some money doing it."

Apprehensive, yet curious, I prompted him to elaborate.

"You should market yourself to guys as like a dating consultant. Guys could pay you to go on dates, then you could tell them what they did well and what things they could work on."

"That's a terrible idea," I said. "Then I would never get a real date."

"Oh no," he said. "I can see it playing out now in a romantic comedy. You'd eventually go out with some gorgeous guy, and you'd end up falling in love."

If only things could workout the way they do in the movies. But alas, relationships in movies rarely leave surface level expression in any form other than the physical. So for now, I'm fine with holding out until I find true love. But until then, I am not opposed to dishing out a little advice for those of you who are also on the same search (and while I'm on the word "search", let me just say that I could write a whole column on the notion that the majority of problems arise in dating because you are on a "search" that is motivated by insecurity. But that will be for another time.)

Anyway....like I was saying: until then, I am not opposed to dishing out a little advice to those of you who are on the same search to find that significant someone.

I'm a girl that likes comedy, and sometimes I Google cartoons to give myself a chuckle. However, after reading the above cartoon, I couldn't help, but give the guy some pity because the girl is being so rude to him. One piece of advice for all you women out there, before I focus on the guys, is give your men a little grace! I mean seriously! They're trying really hard to gain your approval, and if all you do is scrutinize their imperfections and send them crawling away like a woe-begone cockroach, you're never going to find anyone! So find it in your heart to cut them a little slack. And if you genuinely feel that its not going to workout between the two of you for a legitimate reason, find a way to let them down with encouragement.

Now, the guys...

A couple weeks ago I walked to Taco Bell with a group of friends who were experiencing that late night hunger. As eight of us crowded around a four person table, I was surprised to find that the guys were eager to elicit some dating tips from us girls.

"So what do we need to know about women? How do we approach the first date? When is it okay to kiss? How can we tell if she's actually interested? Does this mean she wants to be friends? Does that mean she likes us?"

And ...dot...dot...dot. On and on and on. The questions were endless.

I'll be honest, I'm still figuring the whole flirting thing and how to let a guy know that I'm interested, so if we're basing this advice on experience, I don't have much to say in that area (but hopefully will in the future). However, I do know what I like once we're on the date, and I can tell the difference between a good date and a terrible date. After all, I experienced one of each this weekend.

My first piece of advice to all you suitable squires out there is to be prepared, have a plan! Women like security; a well planned out date allows them feel safe and secure and relaxed because they know that you've got everything under control.

I went on a date last Friday, and after dinner the guy looked at his friends (yes...his first mistake...inviting another couple. But I won't go there right now) and said, "what do you want to do now?" I was not impressed.

My second piece of advice is: once you have a plan, let her know. A guy called me Friday to ask me out for a date on Saturday. "I was thinking dinner at 6:30," he said, "but I'll call you tomorrow to let you know the details for sure."

True to his word, he called me six hours before the date to lay out some details: "So yea, I'll pick you up at 6:30 and we'll go to dinner. Then I was thinking we could get ice cream so we'll be inside most of the time so you don't have to worry about the cold, and just so you know I'm going to wear jeans and a nice shirt, so nothing too fancy."

You, as a man, might think this last detail is a little unnecessary. But let me warn you...DO NOT IGNORE IT! Girls put ALOT of thought into what they're going to wear on a date, and there's nothing worse than not knowing what kind of clothes to wear. If you're planning to take her to a fancy restaurant, let her know. If you're going on an afternoon date where you're going to be riding bikes or hiking, tell her to wear tennis shoes.

One other bullet point in this second piece of advice is this: while you do need to give a few details from the start in order to let her know what to wear, don't give it all away. Girls like surprises (well...at least this one does, and I have a few other ladies in my corner who would say the same). Keep the name of the restaurant a secret or the specific activity a secret. The mystery ads an element of fun to the date.

Piece of advice #3: Chivalry is still a plus. While its not really expected, a girl will almost swoon over you if you open her car door or hold a door open for her. And complimenting her is a must! She worked hard to look good so let her know it paid off. Actually...that should be in its own category.

Number 4: Give her a compliment = )

Number 5: I think this might be the most important. You could forget to hint at what to wear, fail to open the door, and be so nervous the idea of a compliment could slip your mind; but you'd still be on a date, sitting down to dinner with. And if at that dinner you find yourself only talking about you and what you like to do, and you never ask her questions or try to get to know her, your date is an automatic fail. The girl wants to know that you want to know her! After all, isn't a date about getting to know each other? If you never ask her any questions, then you will never know her, and she will wonder why you even asked her on the date in the first place. Was it just to make yourself feel better? Ugh...can you tell I get annoyed about this one? No girl wants to go to dinner and sit in silence as long as she's not coming up with questions or brainstorming the next topic of conversation because her date is either too self-absorbed or simply incapable of finding intelligent things to say, or to even consider that she might like to tell him a little about herself. I'm sorry I'm going on a little of a rant here, but I have experienced this and it just made things plain awkward. Take charge! And we will think you're great. Conversation should be a two way street.

Advice #6--Don't put yourself down during your date. Have some confidence. If you don't like you, then she won't either. 'nuff said.

Now, this blog post is getting long so I will offer one more insight that I just discovered this weekend. I really appreciated it when my date and I sat down to dinner and he said, "I know I asked you on a date, but I just want to let you know that I've got your dinner. You don't have to worry about paying."

Some of you may be thinking, "Well isn't that implied?" But girls who doesn't want to come off as a snob who feels entitled to things, we will often offer to pay for our own dinner and it can often lead to an awkward battle for the check because we know in the back of our minds that you're going to pay, but we don't want to assume just incase. So save both you and your date the awkwardness and just be upfront.

I hope you find these tips helpful. I'm open for more questions and blog topic suggestions. Ha! And I will say one more thing to you guys. Just like I told the girls to give you grace, give yourselves some grace. These aren't necessarily rules, they're just helpful tips that go well with the ladies. But if you don't do it perfectly, its okay. We're all in a process of learning, and dating, while it can be fun, can also be very stressful! So if a girl acts like a bitch or a spoiled brat princess, thus making you feel like less than a man, then just know that she's not really worth your time anyway.

Boys Boys Boys....

Well, September came and went and I have yet to encounter a move moment. However I did just say yes to a date this Friday, but the guy keeps spoutin' out these weird comments on facebook that I don't know how to respond to. Par exampla:

Guy: It's okay. I'm used to rejection. I got rejected al ot. I was a little creepy and still am a little weird. I mean look at me (the guy has a nose ring and a fo-hawk. which is totally fine with me)
Me:Weirdness is okay, but creepiness I'm not so sure.
Guy:I just have a weird personality
Me: aren't you supposed to be convincing me to go on a date with you? Maybe you're the only one who thinks you're weird.
Guy: No, I get it a lot. This will be a horrible date.
Me: Dude, have a little confidence. what's so weird about you?
Guy:No I'm just messing with you. i am a little weird, but I'm not going to oversell myself either.
(this whole thing is over facebook chat,mind you. Drew Barrymore hit the nail on the head with her description of modern day dating in "He's Just Not that Into you")

Or how about this one after he turned our getting coffee on my way St. Louis into a dinner date over sushi (yumm!)

Guy: Now I just realized I'm going to have to get my haircut and shave tomorrow

How's a girl supposed to respond to that? And I asked him almost exactly that. Yet again, he said it was a joke.

This could get interesting. But for some reason I'm excited. I don't even know if I like the guy, and I have yet to mention how we met:

It's after midnight on January 1, 2011--the beginning of my 24th birthday and what is so far promising to be the best year of my life (and not because of this date). I'm at Campus Crusade's Conference in Denver walking around the 5 dollar prom, looking for friends to dance with, when this guy comes up to me and says:

"Hey, I know this is going to sound weird but I really like you're hair."

I stop, almost in shock. "Oh!" "I say. "Well thanks! I just dyed it" (my mom hates the black hair, but i personally love it!)

"Yea, I like short hair on girls."

"Thanks!" I say again...and walk off.

Later, I'm milling about again--going from friend to friend, making sure I get the most out of my new years eve experience--when I see him again.

Eye Contact--that dreadfully wonderful act that can give you want you want or lock you into something you wish you'd never met.

"Hey!" He says. "I'm Eric."

"Hi, I'm Rachel."

We exchange small talk for a few minutes and then he says, "Well, I think we should hang out sometime."

"Oh..." I say. "Ok...well, I don't know. Maybe. We'll see. OKay, bye."

And I walk away.

Damn it! I did it again! Shut down and without a second thought. ha! What was I thinking! I should really apologize to him. That was so rude!

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't even give the guy a chance, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't know how I got this way. With a history like mine and the devil playing tricks in my head, of course I find a way to find something wrong with every guy that talks to me. And if nothings wrong with him, I find something wrong with myself.

Well...long story short...Eric runs into my friend Kayla who he doesn't know is my friend. When he finds out she knows me, he tells her that he thought i was cute, tried to talk to me, then I just totally blew him off.

Oops! Now I feel really bad. I finally find him and awkwardly apologize for the way I acted. I explain that I really won't have time in the next day and a half to hang out and that my mind just got ahead of me.

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could hang out back in Missouri," he says. "You're not that far from St. Louis."

"Oh, ok. Maybe," I say (what is with me and that phrase?). "Well yea, just facebook me."

And that's how I ended up here. Sitting at home in Tennessee, typing on my computer, and setting up a date in St. Louis. I'm already flustered with anxiety preparing for a talk that have to give on Thursday, and I just got back from Chicago, which filled my head with high hopes and dreams of moving there. Life is good! Seriously! Yea, I know its a little sad when I look at all this stuff and you hear me babbling like a mad woman when I say that life is good, but the fact that I have a date with a weird guy (?), dream of moving to Chicago, and can actually feel my anxiety speaks to some improvement to me as a person over the last two years.

Okay.....deep breath. Stop acting mad (as in Mad Hatter Mad) and go to bed.

Goodnight!

Movie Moments

I'd like to start keeping track of the movie moments in my life. I had to go to Urgent care today because a rash is spreading across my face. The waiting room was quiet and the atmosphere was crisp. I gave my name to the receptionist, and a few short minutes later, what I'm guessing is a male nurse called me back. An older, balding man, joined him and they proceeded to interview me, typing their answers into electronic key boards that made me feel like some sort of lab rat.

"What was your last period," guy number one said, taking my blood pressure.

"Ummm....about 3 weeks ago."

The nod, type, glance at one another, then walk out of the room.

Hmmm....that was interesting. I wonder if he's single.

A few minutes later, McDreamy walks into the room. Okay, so he's no Derek Shepard, but I'd call him the real life equivalent. Unfortunately for me, its probably a breech of ethics for a doctor to ask a patient for her number.

As I walked out of the office I thought, "What if he liked me so much he looked my number up in the system? It could happen!" (these are the thoughts that run through a woman's mind, no matter how old she is).

My cheeks are red, my ears itch, and my left eye is almost swollen shut. In short, I look like Alex Hitchens after he ate shellfish. I walk into Walgreen's, staring at the floor the whole way back to the pharmacy.

"I'm here to pick up a prescription," I tell the lady at the counter.

"Are you Rachel?" she asks.

"Yes," I respond. I hand her my insurance card.

"What's you're phone number."

I give it to her.

"And you're address?"

"1700 Forum Blvd..."

I spot a man in scrubs out of the corner of my eye. He's in the back filling prescriptions and he perks up when he hears my apartment number. I see him smile. Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but this blog wouldn't be any good if I didn't. What if he lives at Katy Place? Maybe I'll see him again.

I sit down to wait on my prescription. When he's done filling it, he calls my name and I pay $7.37.

"Here ya go. Have a nice day." He makes eye contact and smiles. Probably just some customer service coincidence. I hope he didn't notice my swollen left eye.

I get in my car and head for home. As I turn into my apartment complex, I spy a man walking his Beagle right outside my apartment. My bangs are falling over my left eye, but I manage to sneak a peak at the dog owner. He's shorter, about my height; wearing a baseball cap, shorts, and a t-shirt. His face is clean shaven and a little pudgy and he wasn't wearing a wedding band (you'd be surprised how much a girl can take in from a quick 2 second glance). I'd call him average, but cute.

He catches my eye and smiles politely. I smile back then avert my eyes back to the rode.

"I wonder if he found me attractive?"

I rounded the corner, pulled into my parking spot, and considered the thoughts of the man with the beagle. I wonder if he too, dreams of having movie moments: That girl's cute. What if I asked her out? What if I waited until she got out of her car and asked her for her number? Or what if I just said hi and we struck up a wonderful conversation? I bet she'd like my dog. What if I just stayed? What if I didn't walk away? What if....what if....aw, those things never happen. But I'll keep thinking about the girl with the glasses and black scarf.

The man walks away. I get out of my car, grab my things and head toward the stairs. I take a half glance back because maybe, just maybe he's still there. Then I remember how terrible my face feels and I forget the whole thing.

Do you think other people ponder movie moments like these? Don't think that I'm obsessed or that i put an unhealthy amount of energy towards day dreaming about the way I will meet my Prince Charming. Actually, its not like that at all. None of my fantasy's ever end in a date. I always stop with the hello because I know that none of them will actually ever happen. Maybe if I started believing, I'd start making things happen. Mr. Beagle Man could use the same advice.

Back to Blogging

Welcome back from East Asia. At least that's what you should be saying to me. No, I didn't go on any Asian dates, although an old guy with no teeth trapped me on a bus and breathed in my face for 30 minutes telling me how beautiful I was. Somehow I wasn't flattered. I just felt awkward. But rest assured, one of the valiant young men I was with attempted to come to my rescue but the old guy persisted until his bus stop. Then he snapped a picture with cell phone and walked away. My image is forever captured and roaming the streets of East Asia making some creeper's otherwise dull day a little brighter. What can I say, I do what I can.

Tonight, my friends and I had to go to a game night outreach for Campus Crusade. Students are back and classes are in full swing, which means my life is consumed with smiling faces and heart felt conversations with girls in their dorm rooms. Do I sound bitter? Because I shouldn't. I actually like what I'm doing this year. But that's for another time and another place. You are not here to hear stories about ministry. You are here to slurp up the juicy gossip of my nearly non-existant dating life.

I picked up my friends Alan and Laurie to go to the game night. You might remember Alan from post #2 where I appropriately dubbed him my Personal PR Person. I am now adorning him with the title of Professional Dating and Relationship Advisor.

As the three of us pulled out of the parking lot of BreakTime (I had to stop and get gas), I glanced to my left and saw an attractive man in work attire motioning to me. I didn't notice his resplendent physical features at first because I was a little creeped out. I think I just stared at him for a minute as he mouthed words and pointed to the back of my car.

Did I leave my gas tank open? I wondered.

I looked at Laurie and everything seemed to be in slow motion while I figured out what this guy was saying to me.

Oh! I thought, as he put his hand in a fist and began rotating his arm like he was cranking up a jack-in-the box. Roll down your window!

So, I did. And we both laughed.

"You have a tail light out," he said.

"What? Oh..." my face proved my disappointment.

"Yea, its on the other side. On the passenger side."

"Well, that sucks. Thanks though," I said with heartfelt remorse. "Bye!" And I rolled my window back up.

"Well, that stinks," I said to my cohorts.

"Rachel," Alan said. "You should have asked him for his number. Is he married?"

"I don't know I couldn't tell."

"Those are the type of movie moments you need to take advantage of. Roll your window back down and ask him to help you."

Then we brainstormed a few seductive scenarios for such a conversations, but stopped after "well, you can light me up!" I was afraid of where the "tail" light reference would go.

Clearly nothing juicy happened, but I got a good laugh and my wheels began turning. Why shouldn't movie moments happen in real life? Yesterday, I was making my lunch and realized I needed a can opener. I considered running next door for a moment and asking the cutie from Illinois if I could borrow his. But I chickened out and walked to the next building to borrow Laurie's.

"Those are the type of movie moment's you need to take advantage of. You gotta put yourself out there a little bit."

Because that's when things get interesting. So, I'm committing to it right now, the next time I need a can opener, I'm marching myself next door and asking the neighbor. Call me juvenile for making such a claim on the Internet, but you gotta ask yourself: would you have the guts to do it?

Until then, its back to blogging....and I can't decide if it feels good to be back or not. I'll try to up the ante on the humor next time. Have a good night!

What to Wear on a First Date!!!!!!!

Okay...let me start out by saying that I am no Stacey London. However, I do love her show and would recommend that everyone watch "What Not to Wear." I'm not recommending it because I'm some sort of style snob. I'm sure I have plenty of crap in my closet that London would love to throw out, but the show gives good advice and for those of us living on a missionary's salary, its soooooooooo much fun to lust after the clothes that we could have (is that type of lust also a sin?)

Anyway...let me start out by telling you about the process of outfit selection for my own first date. If you haven't noticed, I've been in a state of discovering myself for the past few months. In the process I've realized that I've done a lot and said a lot of things that aren't actually what I wanted to do or say. In other words, I did what other people did or what I thought they thought I should do so I could make sure they would like me. Sound weird? Well, you probably do it too.

One area that was affected by my inability to be myself was my wardrobe. I suffered in high school, stressing out every time I shopped because I wanted to make sure that what I bought would be acceptable by my fashionista friends. In college, I had even less money than I do now so shopping didn't happen much. I also realized the lack or originality I had when it came to shopping but didn't know myself well enough to establish a style on my own so I pretty much deleted any style that existed in my wardrobe and opted for plain Jane pieces that allowed me to fade into the background.

Well, let me just tell you. As I am discovering more of myself, I'm discovering an intense amount of creativity and liveliness, and fashion seems to be a perfect place to let that explode. Its been fun to redo my wardrobe and frustrating at the same time because I really don't have that much money to go shopping. Nevertheless, shopping has become less stressful and I look forward to it when I do get to go.

That being said...rule # 1 when picking out an outfit for a first date is BE YOURSELF! Don't bust out a sexy little black dress if that is not who you are. You won't be comfortable and your date will be left with an inauthentic impression of you. While shopping for a new outfit might be fun, you probably have something already in your closet that says, "this is me and I'm gorgeous. Thank you for taking me out on a date!"

After Davo (ha....I used his real name) asked me out, I went home and immediately started thinking about what I was going to wear ( and I"m not ashamed to say it because every girl does it). I knew I wanted to look cute, but more than anything I wanted to feel good about myself and I wanted him to notice me. Its okay to want the guy to notice you. Remember what my friend Elizabeth said about being alluring? Its so true! And that allure starts from the inside. Your outfit should never be used to cover up who you are, it should be a a reflection of what you are on the inside--confident, carefree, and sexy!

Rule #2 when it comes to picking out a first date is a little more practical. I would say that unless he's taking you to a Broadway musical or a black tie dinner at the White House, jeans should do the trick. You don't want to over do it on the first date. Jeans are a good way to be sexy without dressing so well you intimidate the guy. Every girl looks good in a pair of jeans that fits well. Pair it with a cute top and heals and your good to go.

Rule #3- Wear heals. This rule is a little flexible. If you are seriously not a heal kind of girl and know that heals would be totally against everything you stand for and you would be miserably thinking about your feet all night, then don't wear them. But for me, wearing heals makes me feel sexier. I don't wear them very often, but when I do, I stand a little taller and feel a little girlier. For my date with Davo, I busted out a pair of strappy yellow sandals to brighten up my black shirt and cropped hunter green jacket. Heals are a good thing. Don't be afraid of them. But make sure they are comfortable.

Rule #4- Color! Color! Color! Me and my friend Michelle went shopping for 3 hours the afternoon before my date. In my mind, I pictured myself wearing something bright red or yellow. Something fun that called attention to me. In the week before my date, I looked at my closet and realized it was void of any bright colors.

"How did this happen?" I thought.

Then I realized it happened about the same time I decided I didn't want guys to notice me and started my four year hiatus from dating. Well, now its time to stop. Colors are good. Colors are fun! And as I'm gaining confidence on the inside, I want that to be reflected in the brightness of my wardrobe. It's just who I am!

Unfortunately, shopping in Columbia is terrible and we didn't find anything. I decided to wear the jacket and shirt that I described earlier (which is actually what I had in mind from the beginning if I wasn't able to find something similar in a brighter color). To add color, I bought a copper bracelet, some earrings with the same color green and purple accents on them, I painted my nails a shiny light purple and my toe nails Emerald City green (which is now my new favorite polish) and finished it off with mustard yellow heals. The shoes may sound like they don't match, but the other colors in the outfit were dark and subtle. The shoes gave the outfit the pop it needed. I felt like a million bucks and was comfortable the entire time.

I've given you three pretty basic rules, but I want to conclude with the most important thing that I want you to get from this post. Be yourself! If your not yourself, then your inside won't shine on the outside. You won't have the confidence that will attract a guy to you, and your outfit won't be reflecting who you are. During my day of shopping I tried on several things that were cute and looked good on me...but all of them felt fake. Opting for new jewelry and an outfit I already owned was the best decision I could have made.

So girls, hair and do your make-up, not because you need to, but because you want to! We're girls! We like girly things and dressing up and primping make us feel good about ourselves. Go have fun!


And Laurie...I'm excited for you. You have cute style and you can be alluring. Get out there and show Kiren what your made of = ) Ha!

COMING SOON!!!

What to wear on a first date.....and its not what's in the picture....I just like those colors = )

If I didn't have to wake up so early in the morning to drive to Nashville, I'd write it right now.

So I guess I should stop procrastinating and actually go pack....bleh....

First Date Anyone?

Its been a week since my first date, and I know you've all been waiting expectantly to find out how it went. I've been debating on whether or not I should write about it, considering he knows that I have a blog, but then I thought to myself, "what harm could it do? I don't think we'll make it to a second date anyway?"

Again....my life is destined to be a romantic comedy. I've seen these things happen before and even as I'm writing, I feel my hands trying to withdraw from the keyboard.

In light of a recent post on wanting my writing to beneficial and encouraging, I'm not going to rip apart my date and tell you everything he did wrong--in fact, I'm not sure if he did anything wrong. He was himself, he was nice, and I had fun. I actually wish I could go back and watch the date to see what I did wrong. Maybe then I would actually learn a thing or two. However, I shall relay to you the details of something I did learn:

Be yourself.

A couple days after the date, I was telling some friends about it and one of them said, "Why were you nervous? Nobody is themselves on a date! Its dating!"

But I beg to differ. If you can't be yourself, even a little bit, then you're not going to have very much fun.

In their book, Boundaries in Dating, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend make the remark that you should always know yourself before you get into a relationship.

"Maybe you will use dating to figure out who you are," they say. "But be sure you know who you are before you get serious."

Otherwise, you will lose yourself in the other person which will cause all sorts of issues.

I've done this in a lot of relationships in the past--both romantic relationships and friendships, and I think its safe to say that I'm not the only one. If you don't know who you are...that's okay! But don't just stand there, go figure it out! There's a whole world out there waiting for you to discover and if you just sit on your butt and do what everyone else does, you'll never get to see it. Once you figure out who you are, the world of dating is a lot more fun and a lot less intimidating.

Less intimidating, that is. Its still intimidating and scary, but a lot less if you know who you are. In fact, it will actually be fun. Yes...I left this date thinking, "wow...that was fun! I want to go on more dates!" And not just for the free food.

question marks

Okay...so I don't really know what to write right now, but I have a bunch of thoughts running through my head and they need somewhere to go. Maybe they'll all come together and make a little sense, or maybe you'll all be left agreeing with the new url for this blog. Either way, I'm going to ramble them off.

My friend Michelle gave me a book called "Boundaries in Dating." Its by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend--the same men that wrote the book "Changes that Heal," which I read last semester (totally changed my life....everyone should read it...and that is not being said lightly. I'm serious. Read it).

Anyway, I started reading "Boundaries in Dating" last night and as I was reading, I began writing down the fears that I had when it came to dating. While I don't feel comfortable putting all my fears on this blog as of yet, I will say that some of them include: a fear of messing up, the fear that I won't be myself, and a fear of not knowing what I want.

I'm not ready to unpack what all of these fears look like or why they're there or what to do about them. And underneath all of those fears lie even more fears that I have yet to uncover. They're like little voices hiding under the surface that I can't quite hear what they are. This is the type of thing that most people shy away from sharing, and I am the queen of isolation and shutting people out. But if there's anything that I've learned this year, its that relationships are key in both personal growth and living a full life. We were created for relationships and we can't fully function in isolation.

Tonight Davo gave a talk at Cru from Genesis 12. He discussed Abraham's faithfulness in blindly following the Lord.

"Has God ever held out his hand to you and said follow me, but you don't know where you're going?" he asked.

I thought about it, and I'm not sure that I've never known where I was going. I just haven't been sure if God would pull through for me. In the same way, I think all of life is one big blind step after another. If we find ourselves growing complacent in our lives and we're not growing or developing in some area, then we're not relying on God enough and we're not taking faith steps to insure growth and maturity.

Davo then focused on the blessings that God bestowed upon Abraham and how Abraham celebrated by holding a "church service" in a lost land and using his blessings to bless other people.

"That's why God gives us things," Davo said. "To give them back to other people. God blesses us so we can bless others and they can ask us what why we're blessing them and we can point to Jesus."

Sometimes...actually most of the time...I don't think I realize how much Jesus has blessed me. I'm quick to hide behind being politically correct or culturally relevant, and I neglect the truth about the person who saved me and gave me something to worry about cultural relevancy in the first place.

Jesus saved me and continues to save me everyday and that's something I wish everyone could experience. Unfortunately, many people will choose not to and that makes me very sad....especially those that I am friends with.

So what the heck does all this have to do with dating? I didn't mean to get on a religious soap box back there. It just sort of happened as I am in a time of intense reflection and personal growth.

After Davo's talk I began thinking about the gifts that God has given me and evaluating how much I use them to bless other people. Without even getting into finances, I see that God has clearly gifted me with the ability to write. Most of the time I don't think about writing as a gift from God, but it totally is. And if it is a gift from God, then I should be using it to bless other people. That being said....I recognize that I make fun of people way too much. As previously established, my tendency to be critical in the dating arena is a defense mechanism to keep guys at arms distance. However, if I continue to do that, I will never get to know someone on that deeper level that could lead to love. And isn't that what we all really and truly want anyway?

Do I use my gifts to bless others? What would it even look like to use writing to bless others? Is this blog a blessing? Or is it merely a way for me to gain attention and spark a few laughs here and there. I think the latter has been subconsciously true for most of my blogging career. But I don't want that. I really want everything i do to be a blessing to other people and not an act of selfish ambition. Isn't that what's really wrong with world? At our cores, all people are selfish.

So, if this blog is to be used as a blessing to people, what would it look like? Would I come back from my date and bash every mistake he made or read into things so much that I find flaws that don't really exist? Absolutely not.

I'm not sure what a dating blog that exists souly to bless other people would look like, but I think it would be something like this: 1.)a place to offer advice--to use my mistakes, my fears, and my experiences to give you something to relate to. I wish I knew enough to actually give you something to take away from reading it. 2.) A place to have fun. I like to laugh just like the next person. Its just that its a lot easier to laugh when you're making fun of other people. Fortunately, dating is a wacky stage of life anyway (as if I would know), so I'm banking on some pretty awkward and embarrassing stories to come along with it.

And the last link I want to put to dating and all the rest of this stuff is the area of blessing and encouragement. I told Michelle that I didn't want my date to become some sort of guinea pig for me to test out all my fears and emotions on. Thankfully she was encouraging saying that since I was aware of it, that probably wouldn't happen. However, she did say something to me that I liked:

"Well, how about this. Why don't you guinea pig yourself! Test yourself out. Take a risk and be encouraging. Just be yourself!" (whatever that means).

Be encouraging. Its a lot easier said than done when your natural tendency is to push people through hurtful sarcasm. Encouragement requires a lot more vulnerability because you risk telling the person what you really think. You risk being nice and have them fall for that niceness. But I think its time to start taking those sorts of risks. I don't want to be immature anymore.

Hope you enjoyed hearing my serious side for a while = )

I HAVE A DATE!!!!

I have a date I have a date I have a date = )

Can you tell I'm a little excited? Is it weird that I'm so excited? Maybe I'm too excited.

I got home tonight and ran in the house to tell my roommate news. However, her "enthusiasm" left me wanting. I wanted her to jump up and down giggling with me, but all she did was sit on the couch with her sister and say, "Good!"

Ugh. Whatever. Thankfully I do have other friends who know how to love and how to be happy for someone other than themselves. Not that Isa is totally consumed with herself, I just expected her to be more excited.

ANYWAY.......I freakin' have a date!

It happened after Cru tonight. I was walking out of the weekly meeting when he (I haven't thought of a code name yet. i guess I could use his real name. He used to read this blog, but I changed the url so he couldn't see it anymore. sneaky? maybe not) followed me out the door and said, "Hey Rachel."

About the same time, my friend Dana hit me on the arm. I looked at her, then looked at him. In my mind I uttered a feeble "Uuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm...." Then walked over to Dana.

"Hey!" I said and gave her a hug. "How are you?"

I don't really remember what she said. I feel kind of bad because I half way ignored her knowing that "he" was standing right behind me, waiting to talk about something.

I had a feeling he was about to ask me out. On Monday I had gone to Kaldis to work on my prayer letter and prepare for this week's Bible Study. "He" walked in to say hi to a friend then sat down at my table to chat (btw...its really awkward saying "he" all the time).

We talked for an hour. Chatted about this and that. A lot to do with ministry and what we're planning to do next year and blah blah blah blah blah.

"So do you have any big plans for the weekend?" he asked.

"Yea. Saturday we have fellowship dinner and my parents are coming into town for that."

"Oh ok. So are they coming in just for that on Saturday or will they be here on Friday too?"

"Yea," I responded, "they'll be here Friday."

"So on Friday night you're hanging out with your parents and Saturday night you'll be at fellowship dinner?"

What's with all the clarifying?

"Yep." I said. "What are you doing?"

Pause.....

"Oh, I don't know. I don't really have any plans, but I hope to be outside since its going to be so nice."

Another pause.

I wonder if he was going to ask me out on a date?

We continued talking for a while longer then his sister called and he left to go meet her.

So I'm standing in the hallway after Cru. I turn my back on Dana and look at him who has been patiently enduring the awkwardness.

"So what's up?" I ask.

Chris and Eric are a few feet away on my left. Katie is on my right, talking to some friends and waiting for me to take her to her car.

"Well," he said. "I was just wondering if you had any plans for next Saturday night?"

I knew it!

"Nope," I answered. "Not as of yet."

Not as of yet? Who talks like that?

"Cool." he said. "Well I was wondering if you would let me take you out. Ya know, maybe go to dinner or something."

He was very intentional with his words and with his eye contact.

"Umm...yea! That would be really fun!"

"Cool," he said. "So next Saturday night?"

"Yea! I'll see if I can pencil you in."

Pencil you in? That's exactly what I made fun of Jim for saying. ewe. Why am I so weird.

I don't exactly remember what his response was. My brain sort of went into over drive as I anylyzed everything around me.

I hope Chris and Eric didn't hear what just happened. Oh my gosh! What will Elizabeth think? Do you think anyone is listening. Oh crap. What are we going to do? Am I actually excited about this date?

"Well," his voice interupted my thoughts, "I already talked to Caleb and I thought we could go on sort of a double date with him and Maria. How does that sounds."

Wishing I would stop smiling so much I said, "Oh. You know I love MAria so that would be awesome." (and hopefully I didn't actually use the word awesome. I don't exactly remember).

"Alright then. Next Saturday it is."

"Yea! Thanks!"

"Well," I continued motioning towards Katie. "I guess I better get going and take this kid to her car."

"Alright. See ya!" he said.

"Bye."

And that was the end. I now have a date for next Saturday. My second date in 4-and-a-half years. Maybe now the posts will start showing up more frequently. Thanks for reading!



Okay.....so I need to confess a little facebook stalking incident that happened prior to the ask out on date incident.

On Wednesday night I was up late working on stuff for our East Asia Summer Project. Naturally, my the internet signed on to facebook so I could browse around and innocently catch up on my friends' lives.

Maybe I purposefully searched for this persons profile and maybe I was reading his wall just to see who was writing on it, or maybe I accidently clicked on his picture in my newsfeed. Either way, I found myself reading a post by his friend Mike that said:

"dude. i bought some of that delicious fresh peppered turkey from Hyvee and I can't stop eating. Please save me."

Now, you should know that last semester, Isa introduced me to HyVee's fresh peppered turkey and it is delicious. By far the best deli turkey I have ever eaten, and I've eaten alot of turkey. My mind was so focused on the fact that someone else appreciated HyVee fresh peppered turkey as much as I did, that before I knew it, i was commenting on the post:

"maybe it's weird that I'm commenting on this, but my roommate introduced me to that turkey last semester and I think its my favorite turky ever."

Innocent enough right? Well, on Thursday afternoon I signed onto facebook again to see that "he" had replied to my comment.

"no. not weird at all....until I realized that you must have been facebook stalking me to read this."

"maybe I was," I responded. "or maybe I just saw it on my newsfeed. you can choose to believe whichever you want."

Unfortunately for me, he's choosing to believe I was stalking him (which actually is the truth), but it must have flattered him because that very night he asked me out = )

Article # 2!

There is one thing I really don't like about writing for this online magazine and one thing I really do like.

The thing I really don't like is that I can be shallow in my writing and still get my work published. I don't have to work to hard or research or do anything like that and they still want it.

The thing I really do like is that I can be shallow in my writing and still get my work published. I don't have to work too hard or research or do anything like that and they still want it.

This article could be so much more....info on eharmony and match.com, more statistics, more interviews. It could have been really fun and really insightful. Unfortunately, I don't have time for that. And that is why this job is perfect right now. Because it just has to be good enough. And I'm not sure how I feel about being okay with that. Oh well! Happy reading.

http://www.gradmagazine.com/2010/02/love-eharmony-style/

Bleh!

5 reasons Why You Want to Learn How to Pick Up a Stripper to Improve Your Dating Game

Step 1: Click the above link

Step 2: Read the article

Step 3: Join me in being pissed off at this Bonsai Dating Coach guy.

I mean, seriously? Seriously? He has got to be joking.

Unfortunately, he's not. If you read far enough, you will see a number of comments from other assholes who actually gave his crappy advice a shot.

"Don't give up!" says Mr. Asian Dating Man. "Anyone can be good with women. It just takes practice."

Well, you know what I think--if you have to learn how to act around women by going to a strip club, then you're screwed. First of all, strippers can read you a lot better than that. They're not dumb. They're just using you to make money; so all your little tricks to get them to think you are interested most likely won't work.

Second of all, you'd be lying. You're not interested in them for anything other than their looks so basically all your doing is teaching yourself to be a prevaricator. And you're probably not even smart enough to figure out what that is (of course neither was I until I used my handy dandy thesaurus...but that's beside the point).

Likewise, I can only imagine the sort of pride and arrogance that accompanies successfully screwing a stripper, and that type of attitude is generally not attractive. What are you going to do? Approach the cute girl at the bar next weekend and impress her by telling her that not only did you go to a strip club, but you made friends with the stripper and now you two are besties? Yea....that'll win her over. NOT! If I were her, I'd throw my drink in your face.

The worst part about this little blogger is that he has over a thousand followers. That's a thousand (times at least ten because they probably discuss this crap with all their friends) men who are being brain washed to believe that this is what women want. And the reality is, they will probably land some crazy girl whose too insecure to say "no" to a fabricating jerk who not convinces her that not only is she the prettiest girl he's ever seen, but also the smartest.

Oh man....it's articles like this that only make a girl like me more critical. Thankfully, I've somehow managed to find myself in the company of a few good men who can counteract this sort of thinking and that there are actually nice guys out there.

Ugh...now I'm too mad to think of something worth writing. Good night!

Yay!!!!

Nothing Important.....just my first article for grad magazine!!!!

Just click on the link on the left to read a little advice about texting during a date. Sorry....not nearly as interesting as the crap on this blog, but read it anyway. Who knows...one of your quotes might show up!

Words of Wisdom from Ursula the Sea Witch

Okay....I know you've all been anticipating the link between my dating life and Ursula the Sea Witch. And I can almost bet that when I reveal it to you, you will be shocked to know that you were getting such scandalous advice as a seven-year-old. Nevertheless, I am not opposed to unveiling Disney's questionable methods of exposing children to subtle innuendos.

About a month ago my friend Michelle pointed out that a guy was interested in me (I think we've already established that I've spent 4 years training myself to be oblivious to these things).

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Because," she answered, "he was totally leaning into you! His shoulders were turned towards you, his body was open towards you. It was obvious.

"You, on the other hand, stayed completely closed off."

Then she proceeded to re-inact the way I kept my arms crossed and my body turned away from him.

"Did you think he was attractive?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Then show it! It's all about the body language..."

And immediately I remembered sitting on the floor of my living room, a child of the '90s, watching The Little Mermaid, and giggling as Ursula placed a hand on her hip and said,

"And don't underestimate the importance of body language...HAA!"

Then she gave her butt a little shake and sashayed away.

I remember wondering what the heck body language could mean. I never dreamed it would be useful 15 years later when I would need to know things like touching a guy on the arm was a , or turning your body towards him, or looking in his eyes are good things.

Now, before you think I'm a total prude (not that that's a bad thing. In fact, it would probably be better than what's actually true), you should know that I do actually know all of those things and then some. The problem arises when I try to figure out what's appropriate and what's not. I spent my entire high school career living on the side of inappropriate, lacking any self-respect, then moved to the land of self-righteous goody-goody who didn't want to touch a guy with a ten-foot pole.

Okay, maybe that's a little over dramatic. But you get my point.

Anyway, all I'm trying to say is that next time you watch a Disney movie, pay attention. You might learn a thing or two from your favorite princess....or sea witch.

For more information, please click the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCaMgGIeVVI

I'm officially an expert!

Well friends, I did it. I got a freelance writing my job (just one check off my list of things to do and risks to take in 2010). GradMagazine.com...check it out! The official launch is March 1st, and I, Rachel Henderson, will be your dating and relationships contributor.

"We would like you to post 3-4 articles per week," the editor said in a letter to all contributors. "The article topics are up to you. After all, you are the experts in your area..."

Expert! Ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. I start a blog about dating, give a little advice here and there, and suddenly I'm an expert? I think my life should be turned into a romantic comedy...light on the romantic, heavy on the comedy.

But I'd like to say a quick thank-you to all you faithful friends and readers, for reminding me that despite my lack of skill in the dating arena, writing is one thing I can do well. That, and blogging a bunch of BS about the dos and don'ts of dating = )

Speaking of which, I'd like to take this time to repeal a few things I said about the one and only date I went on this semester. Yes, I know, I've already apologized for being too critical, but I just want everyone to know that "Jim" is actually a great guy and some girl will be lucky to have him one day.

No, LeeAllie, I am not falling for him. I just recognize that I was a little too harsh for the sake of entertainment. And while I don't think that Jim and I would actually ever hit it off, I'm glad that we are friends now.

There....that's the end of that. And being that nice felt a little weird.

I suppose I could continue on and give you some more of my expert advice on dating, but that seems a little out of place right now. I've got an entire article sitting in my back pocket, waiting to be revealed to the world, but that will be for another day.

For now, I suppose all I have to say is, get out there and take some risks. Go hangout with people--guys and girls. Don't put all the pressure on "finding" a date. Just do what you like and be who you are and the right person will come your way.

Oh....and one more thing....my friend Elizabeth would tell all you girls to make sure you're alluring. Just because you're not "on the prowl" (that's weird) and looking for someone doesn't mean someone isn't looking for you. So if you want to get a date, dress in a way that makes you feel confident.

Okay, that's about it for now. Oh yea...and the barista from the "eye flirting" article sold me a vanilla latte on Thursday and told me he liked my earrings. I don't know if he remembers me, but the whole looking alluring thing at least worked a little!

Hope you all a good weekend! And if you need advice on how to be alluring....I'm your girl = ) After all, i am an expert!

Haitians like dating too

"So uh do you like Celine Dion?"

I'm walking up the gravel path after an evening of watching a game of pickup soccer and singing songs with girls who

don't speak English. They braided each other's hair

while I picked up the tune on

the keyboard. We snickered at each other's mistakes.

It's dark outside now. Crickets chirp, and the Caribbean heat hugs my skin. Jasmine, Katherine, and I are walking with Simon and the guy with one shoe. I can smell Elise's Cajun cooking as we near our temporary home on the Seminaire Theologique Nazareen de Haiti campus in Port au Prince.

"Near....far....wherever you are!" Simon's Haitian accent clashes

with memories of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. He puts his left hand to his heart and lifts his right in bravado. "I believe that the heart will, go on and on..."

"Hehe," Jasmine giggled. "Yea, we know that one."

"What what about 'it?" Simon asked.

"It?" she asks.

"Yes, 'it."

The three of us give each other side glances.

"You know....'it!" Simon throws a rock at the school bus on our left.

"You mean throw?" I say.

"No!" he says. " 'it me baby one more time!" he moves his hips in motion with the song.

"Oh my gosh!!!" the three of us burst out laughing.

"Brittney Spears!" the five of us shout in unison.

"Yes! Yes!" Simon says. "Brittany Spears. We learn English by watching American music videos."

"Well, those are someold videos." Katherine says.

"So," Simon says turning to Jasmine. "You study psychology?"

"Yes," she answers quietly.

"Well, when I am a pastor I will need a good wife. A pastor's wife

must be good and love the Lord so she can help others and maybe counsel people."

Jasmine's eyes widen at the emphasis put on counseling.

"And maybe she will need to sing too because I will be pastor and I cannot lead the church in music. The will be wife's job."

"Jasmine," Katherine says. "You sing."

"You do?" Simon's facelights up.

"No!!!" she says.

"Well, we should probably get going," I say. "I think dinner is ready."

"Goodnight Jasmine," Simon says as we walk away.

The next day Jasmine and I walk the short distance to the college library. It's

small and bare--a meager collection compared to those we have in the U.S. Simon finds us there and brings Jasmine his favorite book on marriage.

"That's nice," she says. "Rachel, don't we need to go back to the house now?"

I smile and lead the way to the door.

"I will see you later, yes?" Simon calls.

"Maybe!"

Simon....one of over a hundred people I made a connection with last March in Haiti. Simon, a man, a person with--a dream of being a pastor, a dream of helping others, a dream of finding love.

I know my blog is usually humor filled and packed with wit. And I hope I made you smile tonight. But sometimes, things get serious. On Tuesday, things surpassed serious in HAiti. I write to you this little snippet of my experience in Haiti in hopes that you will find a way to connect with Simon and others like him.

We all long to make a connection with that special someone that we will spend the rest of our lives with. We thrive off the hope of love. Although Simon's techniques may not jive with our suave American ways, his desires are no different ours. Haitians are people too. They're strong, they're fun, they're loving. And they will accomplish their dreams. But right now, they need your help. So don't forget about Simon. Don't forget about Haiti. Help them overcome this hardship and accomplish their dreams.

For information on how to help visit:

http://www.caribbeannazarene.org/wmcaribbean/Ministries/CompassionateMinistriesNCM/DisasterResponse/News/HeresWhatYouCanDo/tabid/934/Default.aspx

Eye flirting

On November 12, I wrote about an odd encounter that I had at Kaldi's coffee house. The barista and I had a little tet-a-tete via visual communication.

After I posted the story on my blog, my friend Josh informed me that I had just experienced the art of "eye flirting."

"Eye flirting?" I asked. "Is that really what its called?"

"I don't know," he said. "But that's what I'm calling it now. Eye contact is a good thing. He was looking at you; that means he's interested. If you're interested in him, you eye flirt back to let him know. Then it's up to him to step up and talk to you."

Last year I was at a party with a friend. She left the dance floor to get something to drink. twenty minutes later I found her standing by the wall talking to a guy. They appeared to be in intimate conversation, and she had a smile on her face.

"Good for her!" I thought.

After the party I asked her about the conversation.

"It was weird," she said.

"What do you mean? He seems like a nice guy."

"Well, the whole time he just kept eye contacting me."

"Eye contacting you?"


"Yea, you know, when a guy is like looking at you really hard and trying to like gaze into your eyes. It just makes things really awkward."

"Maybe it means he's interested in you."

"Well maybe I just wanted to have a normal conversation without being eye contacted."



A little over a month has past since my experience at Kaldi's and my conversation with Josh; since then, I have tested out the art of eye flirting a few times--the most recent of which happened tonight:

I was walking out of the candlelight service at church. A herd of people shuffled between me and my mom so I stopped. A guy, who appeared to be around my age, stopped right in front of me. I looked at him with no intention of making eye contact, but he was already looking at me, and...it happened, our eyes locked.

I got confused and glancedto the right, then looked back--his eyes were still there--I looked at the ceiling, then back again. I think we may have smiled at each other. Then I looked at the ground and walked away.

What the heck are you supposed to do in a situation like that?

A couple nights ago I was at the piano bar with my friend Michelle. We were standing up, laughing at people singing karaoke when a cute guy in a camouflage hat (yes, I felt like I was back in Tennessee for a moment) turned around and looked at me.

Eye contact.

I looked away. So did he. Then we both looked back and I smiled.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey," he replied. Then he walked over and stood beside me.

The rest of our conversation isn't worth recording. He didn't have much to say. My one successful attempt at eye flirting turned out to be worthy of the fail blog.

I could continue giving you snippets and stories of my eye flirting escapades, but I think that would eventually bore you. I have yet to nail down the proper technique of eye flirting. In all honesty, I think its just freakin' awkward.

If you ask me, I think all you guys should just suck it up and go talk to whatever girl you're interested in. And ladies, be nice to the men. Maybe then they wouldn't be so afraid to say hi. Be approachable, then you can bypass the kooky concept of eye flirting.

Its okay to complain sometimes

I saw a really depressing movie yesterday....The Soloist with Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Fox. For some reason I thought it would be a nice, uplifting film to watch while I wrapped presents and decorated a scrapbook page, but it ended up the other way around. The presents were the only thing that kept me sane as I watched Jamie Fox get sucked into the life of a homeless schizophrenic. It was terribly creepy

And What does this have to do with dating, you might ask? Absolutely nothing. Just like my life and just like my blog.

I might sound a little bitter, but I'm not. Okay, maybe I am. Its just that its hard to find a date when you don't go out, and you don't go out because you don't really have anyone to go out with. And I really don't like to whine so I'm gonna to try to prevent that from happening by writing about some other random aspect of my life. But maybe that's the problem...I don't whine enough when parts of my life aren't going the way I want them to.

At the moment, I can't seem to think of anything to write about that wouldn't involve me whining just a little bit so if whiny people get on your nerves, then stop reading. Today I went to a baby shower and it was actually a ot of fun. For some reason everyone was dressed in some shade of green or pink or purple so the pictures turned out nice.

After the baby shower I went to a surprise party for my friend Jamie. This week is Jamie's last week working for The Upper Crust--a job that she really hates. And Unlike me, Jamie doesn't mind whining about her job, but somehow her whining ends up being funny because a story about delivering soup at 2:00 in the morning always accompanies the self pity.

We played taboo at the party and my team lost. However, Jamie's team won so I guess that's how it should have been anyway.

So now that you are completely confused and bored out of your mind, I will stop writing and go do something more productive--like finish a short story or read a book. Its my day off. Actually its my week off so I really have no need to be complaining right now.

Moral of the story: when life sucks, don't just sit there and complain; go do something about it.

The End

You are way too critical

Okay...so I slacked a little bit on keeping up with this blog over Thanksgiving break. But I'm back and hopefully good things will follow.

I realize that I have been keeping this blog for over a month and have only gone on one date. That probably has something to do with the fact that I don't go out that often and when I do, I usually find something wrong with whatever guy I'm talking to. I'm picky, what's wrong with that?

On my way home from Columbia, I stopped in St. Louis to have lunch with a friend. He told me he'd been reading my blog so I asked him if he had any advice.

"Well," he said, "the only thing I thought when I read your post about your date was 'man, this girl is way to critical.'"

"I know," I said. "And I'm trying not to be so critical."

I have my reasons for being critical; most of them have nothing to do with the men that I meet, but have everything to do with me and my fears. However, over Thanksgiving break I realized that I am not the only female that has the bad habit of being too critical.

My cousin Erica is 24 and just started dating a guy named Wes. I hung out with Erica and Wes the night before Thanksgiving and the morning of before we ran our Turkey Day 8k. He seemed like a nice guy--a little on the quiet side at first, but so am I, so who cares. He was attractive--especially in Erica's roommate's running clothes (he decided to run last minute), and he had a small sense of humor. He has a good job and from what I could tell, he treats Erica really well (although there have been plenty of guys who have treated her well in the past, but obviously they're still not around).

After lunch on Thanksgiving, I was sitting by Erica on the couch listening to our family members banter about this and that and whatever else.

"Look at this text Wes just sent me," Erica said

Oh, by the way. i meant to tell you that you're hair looked nice

I gave Erica a quizzical stare.

"Why would he say that?"

"I don't know!" she said. "My hair was up in a ponytail the whole time."

"Weird."

"Well, maybe I did tell him that I got it colored or something, but it's not that big of a difference and I don't know why he would text me that."

"Yea, I guess he's just trying to compliment you but that's still a really random text message.

I got up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink. When I came back Aunt Denise was sitting in my seat beside Erica so I sat down next to my mom on the other couch.

"Oh! Hahahahaha!"

Aunt Denise was laughing. I glanced up to see her looking at Erica's phone with her hand over her mouth.

"Diane," she said to my mom, "did you see this text Wes sent Erica?"

"No," my mom said.

Aunt Denise read her the text.

"Isn't that weird?" she said. "Why would he send her a random text about her hair?"

"Uh oh Erica," said my mom, "be careful, he might be turning into one of those stalker boys again.

"He probably came into your room last night to look at it. I can imagine him now, stroking your head and saying 'its my precious (in the voice of Gollum).'"

Everyone laughed, and while my mom and aunt continued mocking Wes, something dawned on me: this poor guy was probably on the other end of this text message simply trying to be nice.

"Y'all, "I said, "we are so mean! Poor Wes probably thought it was a great idea to send her that text. He probably just wanted to pay her a compliment and here we are analyzing it and making fun of him."

Aunt Denise gave another little laugh burst and put her hand over her mouth.

"Ya know," she said. "You're probably right. Ha! He has no idea what we're doing."

Everyone laughed again and my mom continued her Gollumnesque impression.

Later, I thought about the text situation in relation to what my friend had told me at lunch. Girls really are too critical. It's like we look for things to be wrong with someone so we don't have to talk to them anymore. I wonder if guys are that critical. I can't imagine it, but I would hate it if the tables were turned and I was the one being made fun of all the time. Maybe it's time for us, as women, to stop being so particular and recognize that everyone man is going to have something wrong with him. Prince Charming does not exist, but some men out there are trying their best to be him. Maybe its time we give them a chance and recognize that we're no Cinderella either.

Behind Wall number one........

A couple years ago I freaked out because I thought that God might ask me to marry a guy I wasn't attracted to.

"Its not about looks," the Christian dating talks said. "God can change your heart."

It was the fall of my junior year of college, and I was burrowing deeper and deeper into my fear of men and dating. I sat down at church one Sunday morning and was unexpectedly greeted by a guy named David.

David was 27 and finishing his masters in some kind of engineering at the University of Missouri. He seemed nice enough, but he looked like someone my dad would be friends with (not that I don't love my dad, but I don't want to date any of his 40-something-year-old friends).

Anyway, David sat down and started talking to me. His parents used to be missionaries so he was very interested in my recent trip to Uganda.

"It was amazing!" I said.

I continued to explain to him everything I learned about God and myself and how awesome Africa is. The people literally have nothing, yet they are so joyful. More joyful than any American I've ever met. They're friendly and inviting and let their guests have the only chair in their homes. They go out of their way to make strangers feel comfortable. I was so humbled by the whole expirience.

I described our safari and how hippos invaded our camp. I laughed about getting stuck in the mud and taking a 2 mile treck down a gravel road through the game park wearing no shoes.

My enthusiasm must have intrigued him because he leaned in closer and began asking more personal questions--about my family and how I grew up and what my major was--thats when red flags went up and sirens went off.

"Good morning!" the pastor said as he walked up on stage.

Thank goodness. I can stop talking to him.

"I hope everyone has had a refreshing weekend and is looking forward to Valentine's Day on Tuesday," the pastor continued. "In light of the upcoming holiday, we're going to talk about what the Bible says about love and marriage."

My body tensed. I looked around. David and I were the only ones sitting on our row.

Oh no. This is so awkward.

I could feel the "I kinda like you" vibes oozing off of David and couldn't concentrate the entire sermon.

Why does he have to be talking about love?

I spent the entire hour praying that David wouldn't ask me out and devising a plan to turn him down incase he did.

The pastor ended the sermon with a word of prayer. As soon as he said "amen," I reached down, grabbed my purse, and stood to leave. The only problem was that David was standing between me and the aisle.

Crap. Don't ask me out. Don't ask me out.

"So, would you want to go to lunch later on this week?" he asks.

"Umm....maybe." I said. "Well, actually I can't. I'm leaving Wednesday morning to go home and I have class Monday and Tuesday."

"Well what about today?"

"Uuuhhh...."

Caught off guard.

"I, uh, actually can't today. Me and my friends always meet for lunch after church on Sundays." I said. Which wasn't a complete lie. After church, I'd change clothes then go to the cafeteria--at least one or two of my friends would always be there!


"Well," he said. "Maybe some other time then."

"Yea! That'd be good!"

Why did I just say that?

I left the service unsure of how felt. Flattered? No. Annoyed? A little. Confused? Maybe. Indignant? Probably.

Who did he think he was asking me out? He's not even attractive. Okay, maybe he does like to hike and bike and be outside and lead Bible studies for the youth group, but he's definitly not good enough for me.

I look back on that situation and wonder what made me think I was too good to date someone. David was a great guy and I shut him down. Maybe I should have said yes. Maybe something would have happened.


I doubt it. I'm pretty sure I would have found out we weren't compatable, that our personalities didn't fit. That's what happened with "Jim." I fought my pride and said yes to a date, had a good time, then spent the entire weekend with him at a confrence and realized that I could never seriously date him. He annoyed me too much. But that doesn't make me better than him.

A couple weeks after the encounter with David, me and my friend LeeAllie were running on the treadmill at the Health Connection.

"LeeAllie," I said. "What if God wants me to marry David or someone like him?"

"What are you talking about?" she said.

"I just mean that maybe God has someone in store for me that I don't even like. That like freaks me out."

"Rachel, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." (okay...those may not have been her exact words but it was something like that.

"You're going to be attracted to whoever God has for you," she continued. "Why would he ask you to marry someone that you wouldn't be happy with."

I don't know why I was thinking about marriage at that time. That was almost three years ago and I was no more ready for marriage then than I am now. But in light of my recent trek into dating, I realize that I have put up several walls around my heart and around who I am, in an effort to keep myself from getting hurt.

People see me as a pretty confident person, but I've realized that when it comes to dating, this confidence is a wall I've put up to intimidate men and keep them away. It's a confidence that says I'm perfect, have it all together, and I'm always happy. But the truth is, I'm not, and neither is anyone else.

I know this is a wall that needs to be knocked down. However, one problem arises with the demolition: I will have to face the fact that I'm not as good as I think I am. I have flaws, I have emotions. I am needy and angry and moody. I have opinions and I don't like things, and people may not like this aspect of who I am. But you know what, that's okay.